Random thoughts

Random thoughts from me today because that's just me. Totally random.

My son in the mack daddy of all preschools boys out there. He plays with the girls in class. I don't just mean he walks over there and gives a little "How you doin?" but he plays with them all day. His teacher at our first quarter parent/teacher conference told us she thought he was shy because he only wanted to play with the girls. Nope. Just turns out he's picked up the knack for attention from the ladies early on. He now has the girls coloring him pictures, making him cards, heck they even attack him with hugs when he's leaving for the day. This boy has the moves. My hands are gonna be full.

The weather here for the past couple of days has been absolutely beautiful and I think its almost kinda sad that the weather alone has been the source of my good mood. Really. I just look out the window and see sunshine and the kaboom...smile on my face. I am so excited for spring to get here, got some major plans cooking already.

I haven't worked out for like a week because I have been sick, and for the first time in my LIFE I am bummed about it. There is something about working out that completely relaxes me and helps me release all this unnecessary stress I carry around. Headed to the gym tonight and I am just hoping that I will be able to walk tomorrow.

I've discovered that I have an insane crush on my family doctor. I can't say that I just discovered this, I have known it for a long time. I got all fevered when he came into the room and actually blushed when he lifted up my shirt to feel my stomach. Yes my lack of human contact  has caused me to get all hot and bothered by my doc pushing in on my gut. lol. Even more depressing is how angry I was when leaving his office knowing that I wont get to see him again since my insurance changed and he's no longer covered. Thank goodness that the boys can still see him under my ex's insurance!! So all is not lost, and I will continue having this ridiculous crush on a man that has to look at my medical chart to know my name.

Theres an app for that

Fuck. I dropped my IPhone. My brand new, bought for me by my dad, doesn’t have a case because I haven’t had time to buy one yet, IPhone. Well give the guy who designed the casing for it a freaking raise because the damn thing skated by unscathed. WHEW!

I’m a single mom. I’m a working single mom of two young kids. Boys. Who like to fight, scream, and beat each other up. My days are spent tending to my 3 doctors needs and mending broking hearts. I don’t get much free time. So yes I rely heavily on my cell phone to carry on needless text message conversations and finding out the latest celeb gossip. And I occasionally do smarty pants things on it too like look up medical information or check out world news. My phone is my life line to the outside world. I would die if I were to say drop it in the toilet. Like I did with my previous phone.

So I got to thinking just how greatful I was that my phone wasn’t broken. Even though I was careless IPhone user, didn’t pay attention to what I was doing and dropped it, my phone went right along doing what I always want it to do. Kinda like me.

I’ve got a hard outer shell. My face is bright and shiny. I’m full of many useless apps that will make you laugh or get you important information at the drop of a hat. And just like my IPhone when dropped by the hands of a careless owner, I keep on going. I always give my all, I keep my battery charged as long as possible, and I’m there whenever you need me.

So yes I may be a little pricier than other models, my accessories run a little bit higher, and my face is made of glass so you must handle with care. But for the most part, my apps are either cheap or free, I provide lots of entertainment for you, and I’m guaranteed to make your friends jealous when they see you carrying me around. OK so maybe not the last part, but I told you I had a sense of humor!

I'm (not) in the mood for love

Ok this is not the bitter divorced non-dating girl in me coming out. But I think Valentines day is a sham.

I have never been big on Valentines. Don't get me wrong, I am a hopeless romantic. Really hopeless. I think up the cheesiest romantic situations, I should write some chick flicks. Seriously. And yes the girl in me is always secretly hoping for a big huge display of flowers delivered to me on Valentines day...at work...so I can make all the other girls jealous.

But seriously why does everyone freak the freak out over Vday? For real, get a sweet card, make me a nice dinner and call it a day. Why do we feel the need to make such a big deal over a made up holiday?

Why? Because its the one day out of the year that all of us follow the golden rule. You know the one we all learned when we were 5? Do onto others as you would have done onto you.  But why do we wait for the one magically day? And seriously ONE day? That's all we get for romance? Shouldn't we be showing our loved ones how much we love them more often than one day out of the year?

I don't know where I'm going with this post today. I'm just irritated with how much we commercialize love. And with Valentines day fast approaching (totally off the topic but can y'all believe its already February?? Damn!), its just all thrown in my face and it almost makes me want to throw up. Really.

What NOT to do in 2011

 Happy New Year!!! Yeah about a week late but whatever.

So you know how with a new year, you get a fresh new slate. A chance to start over. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

I've made a lot of mistakes. A LOT of mistakes in my life. Some are minor like forgetting to load the dishwasher or not turning in homework on time. And some of my mistakes, not so minor like hurting someone I love or dropping my phone in the toilet (hey I'm a single mom, my cell phone is at times my only link to the outside world!).

So in the spirit of starting over, and knowing that I can only learn from my mistakes from the past to make my future better, here is a list of things that I will NOT do in 2011.

1. Let my head fall in love before my heart does. Or vice versa. Its so easy to fall head over heels with someone who thinks you are the most awesome person ever. But its also easy to think someone is completely awesome when you don't really know the person. So next time (God willing it happens) I will try to find the balance of thinking with my head and my heart, and try to save everyone involved unnecessary heartache.

2. Um I kinda hate to state the obvious but I will NOT get divorced. Like ever again. Its hard, its taxing. It costs a lot of money and its not fun for ANYONE involved. That's all I'm gonna say.

3. I will not get into a textual relationship with someone that I can't or won't have an ACTUAL real relationship with. Meaning I will not get my hopes up over silly texts that state silly things, only to not get anything in reality. Words will just be words to me now. I'm going to need some actual proof.

4. In going with the dating thing...I will not settle. I will not waste my time. I WILL however realize that I am a beautiful, intelligent, funny, fun to be with girl and if a dude can't handle all of me, then he doesn't deserve ANY of me. Plan3 and simple.

5. I will not suck as a mom this year. I will stop making the excuse that I'm tired or don't have the energy and I will live every minute I have with my boys, for my boys. I will take them and show them new and exciting things, make sure there are plenty of laughs, and raise them to be the strong, loving men that I want them to be.

6. I will not pass up an opportunity to have fun! Ok lets be honest, I kinda did this in 2010 too. But I will try my very very best to not pass up offers of hanging with friends or doing something. Because who knows when I will be able to have fun again.

7. I will not ever think that I have tomorrow guaranteed to me. Because its really not. So I will no longer think that something can wait till tomorrow. Unless its the dishes in the sink, because those CAN wait. If I am blessed to wake up tomorrow, those dishes will still be there. I'm just sayin.

8. I will not feel self conscious about wearing my two piece this summer. Because I have worked hard to get this body to look like it does. And damn it I look good. lol

Oh the Places you'll go

How true this book rings to me today.

It took me awhile to get here. And it was never the place I thought I would be. I always thought I would have the husband, the kids, the white picket fence, and the shiny golden retriever running around the yard. Well now I have the kids, a tiny little wiener dog, and an apartment patio that is constantly covered in leaves.

But life is good, life is SO good. I'm happy with my job, I'm happy with my kids, and I'm just happy.

The places I have gone have made me who I am today. And I am in control (with lots of help from the BIG guy) of the places I will go tomorrow. Sometimes those places are dark and scary, but they make me appreciate the bright and happy places I do have.

So today in thinking where I have been and where I am going, I am leaving you with the rest of the most influential book I have ever read in my life. Oh the Places You'll go! By Dr. Seuss.

Congratulations!

Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Blessed

As I was driving home from work today, incredibly annoyed that I didn't have any plans for New Years Eve and wanting desperately to take a nap, I realized how thankful I should be for all the things I have in my life.

Its easy, incredibly easy to take for granted the many blessings you do have in your life. We can get so caught up in thinking about the things that we want, an working to get the things that we find out in the end, we never really needed. Expensive electronics, top of the line products, fancy cars.

I pass a homeless lady almost every single day on my way home from work. And I never leave the office at the same time of day. Today I was lucky enough to be able to leave a few hours earlier than I normally do. And as I came up to the corner of WH Taft and 50 there she was, where she usually stands holding her sign. "Lost everything, any penny helps. God Bless You."

In the midst of my thoughts, silly thoughts of "damn my head hurts", "Gosh I'm so tired" and, "Why can't I have a pretty, shiny, black Beamer like my doctor drives?" I started to think clearly. Thank God that I have a job that allows me to support me and my boys. I can pay my bills with ease. Buying meals is never a worry for me. If I wanna go somewhere, I can get in my car and drive there.

Life is a struggle, it is for everyone. We all have our sets of problems. But I am so incredibly blessed with the things that I DO have, I can't see stressing about the things that I don't. Because some people don't have the basic necessities like, food, water, or a home. Life is great and I am so blessed.

Resolutions

First let me start by saying WOW Christmas is already over. We had an amazing Christmas this year. I actually didn't feel the stress of running around and doing this and that. I got to bake the ham and the boys and I just hung out and enjoyed our time together.

So yes now Christmas is over. Moving forward as I always struggle to do, I am looking forward to New Years. 2011 already really? So as most people do, I start to think about my resolutions that I will make this year. Lose weight? Nope don't want to become invisible. Stay in better touch with loved ones? Already have unlimited texting. haha. I thought I would make some different resolutions this year. Almost a list of goals that I hope to achieve this year.

1. Running a marathon. Well a half of one but still. Because I just can't torture myself enough with just regular workouts and such I feel the need to kill myself by training. I hate to run. But I love to prove people wrong, even if its myself at times. So I'm gonna do it, and be so proud of myself. And brag that I ran a marathon. For a long time. haha.

2. Go for a ride in a little two seater prop plane. Because life is just not worth living until you face a near death experience. Lol. I love to fly, I get a rush even when I take a commercial flight. I want to get my license, but I figured I needed to make my goals reachable and that a one hour ride may be a little more affordable.

3. Finally learn to play the guitar. Because chicks who play the guitar are HOT! I kid I kid. Because I have ALWAYS wanted to and am at a point in my life where I have a little bit of free time. So why not?

4. Take a trip with my boys. I've got friends and family all over the states and its time we get out and see them. Whether we go near or far, that has yet to be determined by the bank account. But we will go and I can't wait to see the boys enjoy their first trip , at least one that they will semi-remember.

5. Fall in love. For real. haha. I know this one is circumstantial. But I want to make it a possibility. I've kinda put all of that on the back burner these past few months, but perhaps its time to change that. I know its gonna be hard since I'm a single mom, training for a marathon, working 40+ hours a week and I already have my life filled with family and friends, but nothing worth while comes easy So I guess I should rephrase it and say I want to make myself open to love.