One tough situation

This is probably the hardest, most honest thing I have ever had to share with everyone.

My husband and I have decided to seperate. Well actually I am the one who has asked for the divorce, but he is respecting my decision and we have both decided to go forth with a divorce.

I have nothing but respect for him, he is a good father to my boys and he is a great guy. We have just grown so apart over the years and are totally different people now.

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I literally have to start all over again as I am still in the process of finding a job. Now I have to look for an affordable apartment (yeah right!), as well as things to put in my apartment.

Things are going as good as they could. Our children are our first and number one priority and it is for that fact alone that we are doing our best to remain friends. It is hard, as much resentment and anger loom over us but we know that in the end, it will be the best choice.

I only want to share this information with all 5 of you because it is something that is obviously a major thing in my life at the moment. I am not looking for any pity as I am the one who has asked for this. My life tends to be an open book for all those interested.

 "Things do not change; we change" ~Henry David Thoeau

I have a date!

I have been working so hard.

I have been very good about the food I am eating. Low carb, low fat, no sugar. Yada Yada Yada...

So tonight I have a date. I don't usually awnser to someone calling my name. I usually ignore it, look the other way. Distract myself.

But this past saturday while out and about by myself. I couldn't help myself. Let me set the scene for you.

I was at Fresh Market. I love that store. Its like a farmers market, but you don't have to wait for saturday morning to roll around to go. I was in search for some california rolls. Some good juice. Perhaps some wine. And then I heard him.

I couldn't help myself. He wanted me and when I locked eyes with him, I was instantley in love.

"Lets go back to your place, you can draw the blinds and no one will have to know."

I allowed the urge to overpower me, so I took him home. Within minutes I was breathless, panting, and moaning in shear delight. It was so good, I allowed myself another round tonight.

Wanna see a picture of him?

Red velvet cupcakes. I know loaded with sugar, carbs, fat, and who knows what else. But it makes me feel SO good, I can't help myself.

I must go, the cupcake is calling my name.

What to say?

Kinda facing a writers block. I could write about how freaking awesome my kids are, but I don't think all 5 of you have time to read it all. So here is just a little randomness for ya.

~I have become a workout weirdo. I go to the gym 6 times a week now. I run about 2-3 miles a day and the other day I ran a 7 mintue mile. Rock on.

~I have forgotten just how much I like margaritas, and exactly why I don't drink them anymore. Friday night out with my girl, drank just a little too much and next thing you know, I was on a pole. Good thing I am working out!

~I think I am going to sell everything off, take my boys, and move to Nashville. I could totally be a country singer.

~I feel like if I don't stick someone with a needle, or draw blood sometime soon I am gonna scream. Someone hire me already damn it!

~I have at least 3 trips planned out for this spring/summer. Now its just a matter of finding out how to fund them. Trip to Washington to visit my awesome sister, trip to Austin to visit my awesome friend, and trip to Hawaii to meet up with 2 of the most amazing girls I know. Hey did I mention that I have been working out and I have to show of this body somewhere. I figured the beaches of Hawaii was the best place.

~And last but not least, if this snow doesn't melt away soon, I think I am gonna scream! And there is even MORE coming sunday night! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Whats a girl gotta do?

So last post, I mentioned that we were a little snowed in. Over the weekend, the sun was out and it wasn't god awful cold so we were able to get out and enjoy life a little. Although there wasn't enough sunshine to get rid of the 9 inches of snow we had, life was good.

Come Monday morning. Snow has started again. At least 6-7 inches already ON TOP OFF what snow we had earlier.

I hate it, I am going crazy. My house has never been so clean. My laundry is caught up. There is only so many hours of web surfing, tv watching, wii playing that I am the boys can do.

Back to my corner to rock back and forth. Please spring, come soon. I would love to get out and enjoy this beautiful world. Kinda hard to do when my car is snowed in the drive.

The Pessimist in me

I am usually a very optomistic person. I always think there is something positive in every situation. The sun usually shines in my world.

But today we are sorta snowed in. Not bad like we can't even open the door cause its snowed shut. But enough that you shouldn't get out if you don't need to.

I hate the snow. Some people think its so beautiful. Something about the clean, white, glistening snow. But I see it as a nussance. To me, its like a thick, cold cloak of misery. I can't get out in my car and drive because its too unsafe and I don't trust other drivers. So that means that I can't go anywhere. Not even the grocery store. I can't stand getting out and playing in it because as much as I try to "waterproof" myself, something always winds up wet and then I get cold, which eventually leads to sickness for me. Always. There's only so much cleaning, play-doh playing, coloring, and reading you can do until you are extremley bored.

I guess more so for me, its like something holding me down. Telling me NO. I don't like to hear that word.

So here's the pessimist in me. If you need to find me later, I will be the one in the corner rocking back and forth, praying for spring to hurry up and get here.

What qualifies as experience?

Job hunting is driving me crazy.

Seriously.

Everyone wants someone with at least 1-2 years experience.

I have experience. In life. I have plenty experience.

I am raising 2 curious, clumsy boys. There's my clinical experience. I have worked in retail management for 5+ years. Theres customer service. I'm smart, fun to be around, detail orientated, and I put in 110%.

So...WHY WON'T ANYONE HIRE ME???????????

Oh vey, I need a drink.

I am truly old

I have had an ephiany.

I am old.

Not old like in age. I feel younger these days than I have ever felt. I am working out on a regular basis (hello sexy legs!), I am  adventurous now more than ever, and I am truly happy to look into the future and see what it has in store for me.

I feel like a true woman. I am loving my curves, and I know and am proving to myself that I am able to change the things I don't like about my body (yeah baby pooch that I have been carrying for the past 2 years, your outta here!). I no longer hate myself because I have to get a size 8 in jeans, cause I know that I am gonna totally rock it whenever I wear them.

I am no longer scared to raise my kids. As silly as that sounds, I always had a fear because I am raising men. Really. But I realize that I have the glorious oppurtunity to mold these boys into respectable, loving, nurturing, strong men. Its a huge responsiblilty, but I take it on with great pride.

The future still looks scary to me, and at times fearful. But I know that I am strong enough to handle anything. I can and will always make the best out of every situation. So therefor I actually get excited to see what life has in store for me.

I have grown. I choose to only carry the good memories with me, and learn for the bad ones.

Okay, off my soap box now. Wanna talk about handbags? lol

Here's MY sign

Off to try and find a job today. I thought that applying via online would be enough, but after a month of it, its not getting me anywhere. So I am off to go in person to medical offices and beg see if they are hiring.

This finding a job thing is no joke. Everyone wants someone who has been in the field for a least a year. How am I suppose to GET my experience if no one will give me the oppurtunity?

So any sure fire ways to find or get a job? Momma needs some shoes money!