Friday, April 30, 2010

The imporatance of girls night

Going out for dinner and drinks. Getting together for a movie. Getting dolled up to hit a dance floor together. Girls night. We all have them every once in awhile. Well not all of us, since all of us aren't girls. But all of us guys know what I'm saying.

We woman are always in competition with each other. We have to compete for jobs, we have to compete for men. Its sad that in the year of 2010, we are still earning less than men, being passed over for jobs by men, and still being treated inferior to men. So us woman are forced to compete with each other. Still. Its hard to maintain relationship when we turn out to be each others arch enemies.

So these silly girls night out are very important because it not only gives us a chance to get together and talk about just how silly guys are or discuss the latest Hollywood gossip, but it gives us a chance to bring the gap together between us. Unite. It helps us realize that we will never get to where we want to be unless we support each other.

So tonight when I am making my way out to dinner and drinks with some of my girlfriends, I am doing so not just to get out of the house and away from the boys for a few hours, but to try and bring some peace into this world.

BTW-I hope all that are reading this can hear the heavy sarcasm that this post is drenched in. Yes its important for us girls to get together. But mainly so we can just talk about you boys in a safe place where you can't hear us! lol.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

An apology

Ok so yesterdays post may have been a little confusing to some. My only meanings behind writing that post yesterday was to get out what was on my mind.

I am not in a relationship with anyone. If I do get into a relationship with someone, it will take some time for me to build up my trust with the person before I allow that kind of physical relationship. Because I feel its important to have that trust with your partner and getting that trust built up takes some time.

Let me also claify that my current needs are not causing me to run out and try to find my next husband. I am open to meeting people as of right now. But I believe that you can't plan things like love, it just happens to you. So if it happens, it happens. But I am not searching for THE ONE. He will find me. I actually feel we will be brought together when the time is right.

Oh and one more thing, I don't think that coming up to the age of 28 is old by any means. Nor do I even think that my scary age of 37 is old. For me, there is just SO much that I want to accomplish by the age of 37 so I can start to slow down. Plus at 37 my boys will be teenagers and that alone is SCARY!

So I apologize if I gave anyone the wrong impression with my blog yesterday. I just think its silly that finally after 28 years of life, I am starting to feel that need that everyone else around me has been going through since we were 12. That was all I was intending to write and sometimes my silly mind takes me elsewhere.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Lets talk about sex baby

Okay, it may be just the state of mind that I am in lately (oh and thank you birth control pills for the daily reminder of how much sex I am NOT having) but sex is everywhere. Seriously its everywhere. Billboards, magazines, commercials, movies, our email.

Okay so its no secret, I'm pretty sure all 14 of you (YES! I have 14 followers now! lol) know that I am pushing the ripe ol age of 28. No I do not think I am old-just to clarify my scary age is 37. But I am finding myself put it mildely. I am hitting that magically time in every womans life when the hormones turn against her and change her mind about things drastically. Yes I say turn against you because for most of us, we get to a time in our life when we actually WANT sex like 24/7 yet time has worked against us, making everything all that much harder for us. Whats the saying-nothing worth while comes easy or something? YEAH true that.

Why couldn't I have felt this way when I was younger and had a hot body that I didn't even have to work for? Why did I have to wait until now when I am almost 30 and less desireable? Mother nature is a cruel cruel woman. I don't even wanna call her a mother, there is no way one mother would do this to another.

Sorry for the random sex talk. We can tell that I have had sometime to think about it-obviously. You always want what you can't have right? Stupid sex. Really. Must find something better to do with my free time.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Trust me

So I have started to think lately about how much we don't trust. Anyone. We don't trust our government, we don't trust the kid who bags our groceries. Most of us don't even trust our significant others.  Meeting someone who is honest and open with you is such a rare thing these days, that you almost don't believe that person and go right back to the whole non trusting issue. Its almost harder these days to be honest than it is to be a liar. Almost.  Which makes me wonder. Where is the trust?

I pride myself on being an honest person. I am not perfect by any means and I of course do tell the occasional "white" lie. I am human. It happens. But I have learned that it is far easier to tell the truth and deal with what may come along with that good or bad, than it is to tell a lie. Because we all know that one lie leads to another that leads to yet another. I have a bad memory. I can't do it.

So who are we really protecting with all of our lies? Are we so selfish that we are more concerned with protecting ourselves with the lies we tell, then helping those who look for our honesty? Does the liar themselves benefit in anyway from lying to someone? Did our parents really know what they were talking about when they said that telling the truth would make us feel better?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Must write new post

Okay I was going to post more pics from my Washington trip, but figured that y'all were sick of hearing about it from me. So now I must get back into actually writing. What to write about hhmmm...

So I have discovered how much I actually enjoy writing my blog everyday. With me being knee deep in resumes and trying to find any job at the moment that is gonna help me pay the bills, I find that it motivated me to put my mind elsewhere and be creative.

Today, my thoughts are on shopping. Thanks to my new rocking hot bod (alright I know I am stretching the truth a little here...) I am in need of some new clothes. And of course with new clothes comes the need for new shoes and accessories. 

And it just so happens that today is a rainy day. Perfect day to stay inside. And shop.

So as you go one about your day, curse your monday and look forward to the weekend already...please say a little prayer for my bank account. lol

Friday, April 23, 2010

Sharing some pics

I have nothing to write about today. Really, I couldn't even think of a list to make up! So I thought I would share some pics from my trip. I won't bore you too much, these are just some of my favorites!
Outside the space needle. It was nice and sunny when we went in to get to the top. When we got out on the observation deck, it was grey and misting. Gotta love Washington weather!

Me and my sister on top of the space needle. Well not on top, they don't let you go that high. Trust me I asked!

Outside of the Music/Science Museum. Yeah we had some fun with the pink reflective wall.

I finally found the courage to get the tattoo on my wrist that I have always wanted. Yeah I wasn't scared at all.

The great thing about all the rain is that when it clears up just a little bit, rainbows pop up everywhere.

I hate when when you go on vacation and you get crabs.

Apparently I make one hot ass bleach blond babe. LOL

Alright. I had more pics that I wanted to share than I thought. I will post more on Monday, gotta keep you guessing all weekend long! Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

What I have learned

Nothing. Haha. Just kidding. Ok so as it so often happens, you tend to go through some sort of self discovery on any trip you take. Even if that wasn’t your intentions of the trip, you get the time to think about yourself and the way you have handled and should handle things in your life. So guess what…I have compiled yet another list of things that I learned or experienced while in Washington. Ready? Here we go.

~A day with any amount of sunshine in Washington is a good day.

~Be prepared for a little bit of rain. It’s gonna come and usually when you don’t expect it.

~A nice little fleece can take you a long way.

~Perhaps I am bitter. Perhaps I don’t like the idea of traditional “love” right now. But I know that just like any other phase that I may go through in life, this too shall pass.
~Sometimes love finds you where you least expect it to. This love found me at Tumwater Falls in Washington.

~That fishy smell? Just means that spring is in the air!
~Crabs really aren’t as mean as they are made out to be. All the ones I ran into were really nice.

~Give yourself some credit Give yourself a lot of credit. You may be terrified of something, but you will be surprised that its not so bad and you handled it a lot better than you thought you would.

~I am SO badass now with my new tattoo. Like I said, you can surprise yourself with just how strong you are cause let me tell you, getting a lot of tiny little needles poked into my wrist bone was no walk in the park. But I didn’t shed a tear and I look like a rock star now.

~There are cute boys EVERYWHERE. Cute boys in uniform, making your coffee, behind the bar. And the funny thing is you don’t even have to look for them. They happen to find you. So stop searching cause you may miss out on all the beautiful scenery. What’s the saying? It’s the journey not the destination? Lol

~The I-5 will get you anywhere.
~Don’t be afraid to be so goofy. You may be cheering up someone’s day, bringing a little humor to a long work week, or just making yourself happy. Plus you get a great ab workout with all the laughter. It’s a win-win situation (THIS is the situation!-sorry had to insert a little Jersey Shore humor there!).

~He’s Just Not That Into You. And The Ugly Truth is that the old adage that nice guys finish last is SO true. Cause Gerald Butler won. OH and try not to relate your life to movies. You have no one writing a script for you so things aren't going to be tied up in a pretty little bow at the end.

~Above all, I’m an amazing person. I'm beautiful, smart, funny, honest, I watch Sportscenter voluntarily, I know how to shake my ass on the dance floor, I can hang with the girls and hold my own with the boys, I like to be clean but I can get dirty, I'm an amazing mom, wonderful sister, and loyal friend. If someone can't see that about me, then they don't deserve my time.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Future plans

We all make them. We all think about the things we want to do. I have a ton of things that I always want to do but thanks to everyday life, it is sometimes hard to achieve them. So in thinking about all the things I want to do with my life, and simply because I leave for vacation tomorrow and can't find the mind energy to think up something deep and insightful, I am making yet another list for y'all to enjoy. Todays topic: What Courtney wants to do with her life (prepare yourself, this may be a long one!).

~Do an actual rock climb. I have done indoor rock climbing and by putting myself back into my childhood monkey frame of mind, found it pretty fun. I would like to someday take my skills outdoor and climb an actual rock. Maybe even rock it hard enough to climb like El Capitan. Maybe.

~I know a lot of people say it, but I want to skydive. Tandemly of course, but at least once I want to feel the rush of a near death experience. And I say tandemly because it would literally take my instructor to push me out of the plane with them for me to do it.

~More tattoos. I only have one and it is so tiny now that it literally looks like a huge mole on my back. I want to get that covered up, I want to find a really meaningful saying or quote to put on my wrist, and a few others that I wont bore you with. I am really so bad ass, that I need the tats to prove it.

~Become an RN. Then specialize in surgery. The human body fascinates me beyond belief. I would love to have the oppurtunity to be in the room and actually see inside one everyday.

~Travel. I love to travel. Even just the journey of boarding the plane is fun to me. I like to get away, see new places, visit all the friends that I have scattered around the US, and someday when the bank account allows me to I would love to go somewhere overseas. Italy, France, Ireland. I'm not too picky.

~Drive a sportscar. Really fast. Really really really fast.

~Be an awesome mom. This goes without saying but I knew if I didn't put this on here many would get the wrong idea about me. I want to find that perfect balance of being a parent and being a friend. I want my boys to have an open and honest relationship with me, but still fear me enough to where they actually listen. And when I do figure that out, I will write a book about it. I will make millions. haha

~Learn to not be so afraid. I am kinda fearless, not a much as others. But I want to learn to not be so afraid to get my heart broken, love someone with my full heart, not be scared of little garter snakes, afraid that someone will think bad of me or not like me. I don't want to be so afraid of hurting someones feelings that I put my own happiness behind me. And I don't want to be so afraid of failing that I am scared to even try.

~Laugh, laugh, laugh. As Ghandi once said "If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.". Very true.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Human contact

Isn't it funny some of the things you miss sometimes? Going through a divorce, you tend to think your going to miss the big ticket items when you try to glance into the future. Things like double incomes, growing old together, you know the big things. Although I can't say that I am not going to miss that, its the really little things I am missing right now.

I have been trying to focus a lot lately on the little things. You know all the little things that fill your life and make you complete. But because its human nature, I can't help but notice that there is one HUGE little thing missing.

Human contact.

I miss the hugs. That little rub on your back. Kisses goodbye. Kisses hello. That lingering moment when you hug. Stolen moments, public displays of affection. And even though I am a known non-cuddiler, I miss even having the oppurtunity to cuddle.

I have gotten used to the idea of being alone. I actually embrace it because its in those moments when I can paint my toenails, watch whatever I want to, and do the other crazy things that you would never do in the presence of company. But its those few moments when your laying in bed watching some stupid girl movie that you wish you could roll over and give someone a smooch and embrace tightly. And then thats when it hits you that you are physically alone.

You can work hard to make the money and buy the things that you really want. But as the Beatles so wisely can't buy me love. I know that in time things will come to me. I know that I have to be patient and good things will come my way. I have faith that someday I will have it all back. It will all happen, in time.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The little things

My mind is elsewhere today. You know how you go into vacation mode days before you actually leave? haha. So today I thought I would make a little list. We are always claiming how we are (or should be) thankful for all the little things in life. Well here are a few of the little things I am thankful for.

~Solid poop. The plague has finally (knock on wood) lifted from our house and although I myself managed to escape THAT funness of the sickness we all had, the boys did not. And just who gets to clean that crap up? Yeah, not fun.

~Although it wasn't fun by any means (nor an ideal or safe kinda diet), I am thankful that severe vomitting for a few days has knocked me down a jeans size and I have an actual reason to go shopping this weekend. Seriously, things are falling off of me.

~Warm weather. Flowers blooming. It not getting dark at 5 o'clock in the evening. And the boys being able to run around outside till their too exhausted to even make it through bath time.

~Thursday night 20 cent boneless wings at Buffalo Wild Wings (so rightfully dubbed Bdubs by me). Finally getting to eat an actual meal and it be honey bbq boneless wings and some potatoe wedges? Priceless.

~Bubbles. Give the boys some bubbles to blow and they are entertained for awhile. The huge smiles and endless giggles that follow? An added bonus.

~Clearance items at discount stores. Cute little clutch at TJ Maxx already below retail price. Marked down for clearance, even better. And now its mine!

~Coffee, Red Bull, and any other means of temporary energy that I have tried in the past. Its nice to know that the option is even available for me and I am not damned to an eternal state of sleepiness.

~Handbags. Now we could argue about the amount of money spent on handbags through my lifetime and how that makes it nothing little by anymeans. But the happiness that my pink leather Coach bag (bought at a VERY low price I might add) brings to me speaks volumes.

~I would love to add friends and family to the list, but they are not little by any means so they can't make this list.

There are a ton of other little things I am thankful for like girls scout cookies and spanx underwear, but I am sure you have to be getting back to work or on with your day by now. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Lovely Leo

Are you one of the people that reads your horoscope daily? Or even weekly? Well I have to admit, I do read mine. But I never believe it. The only time here recently that I have believed it is when it said to not let miles stand in the way of seeing someone I love and to book the tickets. Truth be told, I had already gotten the tickets so there wasn't TOO much truth to it but pretty close.

I am a Leo. Just like Madonna, Bill Clinton, and Slash. I like to be the center of attention, all eyes on me. I don't mind when people notice me, the spotlight does not scare me at all. But just because I am that way does not make me as confident as my horoscope makes me out to be.

I am forever reading about how people listen to me all the time cause I am a take charge kinda person. Well yeah I try to take charge but I am not so sure about the people listening to me. I can't even get my boys to listen to me and they are 3 1/2 and 2! Like I could get an adult to listen!

Isn't it just funny how we want so much to believe our horoscopes? Life would be so grand if all that "they" claimed were true. I wish I was this strong, confident, lovely leo that they want me to be. But life has gotten in the way. I've suffered broken hearts, broken bones, bruised shins, and even a bruised ego at times. Life experiences cause you to think and feel differently and the older you get, the harder it is. But I still do believe that I am lovely, no matter what my sun sign says!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Anyone there?

I know that cell phone of mine can make actual phone calls. I have done it before a time or two. I have received a call on it before too. The numbers aren't there just to text my friends about what time I will be meeting them, I can punch in a series of 7 numbers and hear someone else's voice on the other end. Its amazing. It blows my mind.

I know I have written about how technology is either keeping us in better touch or not in touch at all. But I am really curious, do we really get eachother when we are having conversations via text or email?

Its all happened to us before I am quite sure. There you are right smack dab in the middle of a texting conversation with your mom, friend, lover, or sister and a message comes through. There are the words right there in black and white for you to read. But what does it mean? Are the being serious? And whats with that tone? Then all hell breaks lose. You take it the wrong way and the next thing you know, your in a full fledge fight.

Its so hard to understand someone when all your doing is reading words. You can't hear their tone, their excitement, or their disappointment in their voice. You end up having to decipher someone elses feelings which I hate doing. I don't know how someone else feels unless they tell me. And not via text. I miss actual human contact. Hearing peoples voices or meeting for coffee or a drink when you wanna talk.  Don't get me wrong, texting is great to have a quick little convo but I miss the days of face to face contact, or at the very least phone to phone.

Whats a girl to do?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Harry and Sally-its not possible

The eternal question. Can men and women really just be friends. Of course so in this day and age. Women have gay boyfriends and husbands (if you don't know just ask), but is it really possible to carry out one of those "friends with benefits" relationships?

Okay, all personal opinion here but in my mind it makes total sense so I am gonna go with it. I hate to break it to you, its not possible. Its not the sex that complicates it, its the feelings that one of the parties develops eventually. Feelings of like or love, or feelings of utter disgust-feelings get involved. Thats why it never works. Sometimes its the guy, most often its the girl. But ineveitabley feelings get thrown into the mix there somewhere and all hell breaks lose.

And isn't the ultimate relationship with someone that you can be friends with, but maintain that sexual connection with? SO reguardless of what you wanna label it, your little trist with your "friend" is in fact a relationship. I am sorry I am the one to break it to you, but it is.

So why all the drama? Isn't having a friend who's you can enjoy kinda like having your cake and eating it too? So why the laid back, casual label to the relationship? Why can't we just order that cake and enjoy it? And in case anyone forgots by the the end of the movie, Harry ends up together with Sally. Who knows what happened after the credits rolled.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter Madness!

The plague lifted from our house long enough to enjoy some Easter festivities.
We colored eggs. Went to bed and then the Easter bunny showed up.
And of course we searched for the eggs he left us!
Hope y'all had a great Easter!!!!

Friday, April 2, 2010

A plague on my house

So I started to feel ill yesterday. I got really dizzy-and not just because I am a blonde-and I just felt as I so modestly put it that I was going to lose my shit.

After I got the kids down to sleep, I started getting dizzy all over again. I tried to lay down but that made it worse. Then the sickness set in.

It seemed like every 2 hours I was vomitting. First it was dinner, then it turned to stomach acid. That was great. Then Eddie woke up vomitting. We were fighting for the bathroom most of the night. Lucas woke at 6am an vomitted too. I sucks to be sick, but to top it off it really sucks when the babies don't feel good and there's nothing you can do about it.

So needless to say, the day has been fun. I am just hoping for a peaceful bedtime tonight so I can lay down and relax. I have a list of movies calling my name. Here's hoping.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Think think think

I have nothing to write about today. Really. My mind is blank. I am done with thinking. I think all the time and I am literally exhuasted.

I think all the time about my kids. That will never go away. I worry about the food they eat, the shows they watch, the toys the play with, if they love me or not, education...everything. That in itself is a lot to think of day to day and I think all moms can understand me.

I think about the relationships I have with friends and family. Have I done all I can do to show them I love them? What more can I do to help out someone in need? I know they tolerate me, but do they really love me?

I worry and think about finding a job. What more can I do to convince someone to hire me? What if I never get a job? There is a lot riding on me with just money issues alone.

Then theres the things that I think about that I have no control over. World hunger. Homeless people. The state of the economy.

I am done with thinking for today. My brain literally hurts, but I think thats just a headache. I have been thinking so much lately that I lose my appetite. I really need to stop. So the only thing I am thinking of today is my babies cause like I said, that will never stop no matter how hard I try. Everything else is just gonna have to wait today. Seriously for my sanity.