Nervous

For the first time in a LONG time, I am actually really nervous.

I have gone through a lot of changes in my life the past few months. Trying to and finally finding a job, going after a job I really really wanted and getting it, going through a divorce, getting back into the dating world...lots of big changes. But never once was I as nervous as I am now.

Now that I have achieved my goals and gotten to where I wanted to be, what next? I'm not really sure where my life is going now. And for the first time in a LONG time, I don't really have a plan for where I'm going. Nothing solid, no set goals. So I find myself really nervous.

I mean its not like I don't have ANY goals, of course my main goal is always to take care of my kids. Which is what I am doing with my new job now. But I am feeling like for the first time I am really able to focus on myself. Focus on doing the best that I can do at work, focus on my friendships and relationships, and just focus on myself and doing the things that I love to do and have always wanted to do.

So I guess that is my new goal. To make me the best me I can be. Sounds corny huh? Focus on learning how to balance work and my kids life. Focus on spending time and building friendships. Focus on what I really want and expect out of a relationship. Just focus on making my life worthwhile. Sounds like a great adventure to me!

Random life, random thoughts

Okay so nothing is life is random. I know. The Big Guy up there has a plan for me and I trust him that he will lead me through it. But the events in my life have been very random as of lately. So I thought I would share them with y'all.

I am currently reading 3 different 4 different books right now. The Lucky One by Nikolas Sparks makes me cry every time I read it. The Secret just because I was curious as to what all the hoopla was about. The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girls Sex and it just makes me...well yeah. And my medical book so I can brush up on everything. I hope that I don't get things confused and start spouting out sex advice when I should be spouting out medical advice.

My 4 year old sweet baby boy starts preschool next week. And I cried picking out his first day of school outfit over the weekend. I thought I would be SO ready to send him off to school and see him start to grow into the young man I know he'll be someday. But now I find myself not quite ready to give up the baby side of him. He's really starting to not need my so much anymore and it sucks.

My 2 year old love bug is pretty much potty trained finally. And a really sick part of me I guess finds it entertaining when he has to go number 2. He tells me to leave him alone, but I peek in on him anyways. He's a tiny little thing and sitting on the big toilet, he looks even smaller. Unlike my 4 year old who likes to get in and get out, Luke would rather sit on the pot and sing and talk and what not. Soon all he'll need is a magazine and some air freshener.

OH I forgot to share with y'all. Next week, I will become a University of Cincinnati employee!!! I interviewed and was offered a position with the Department of Oral Surgery. Yes I will be getting paid to do oral (and its all legal too!). lol. Better pay, actual benefits, free college for me AND the boys. I am so excited!

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I don't know if I'm quite ready for it. I have conflicting feelings about it. lol. I think it'll be fun to see people I haven't seen in a LONG time, but I don't know if I am really ready to admit that I have been out of high school for 10 years already.

My dog might be pregnant. Long story short, no I never got around to getting her spayed. But she hasn't been in heat for 2 years cause she's kinda an old lady now. Well the male dog that's been hanging around here lately changed all of that. I've been doing a good job of keeping the separated and watching them, but one glance away and yeah...So do they have home pregnancy tests for dogs?

Last but not least, I am so thankful for the friends and family I have. Without them, I may not survive my day to day life. They keep me sane, they keep me grounded. And I am so glad I have them around.

I'll take a cheeseburger and a side order of a respectable spouse...

So I was reading an article titled How to Shop for the Right Spouse. I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was a store that sold such merchandise! Is that like right next to Pottery Barn in the mall?

Seriously its these kinda articles that put the pressure on us these days. You can't shop for the right spouse, you can't buy "The perfect mate". If it were truly THAT easy, we would all be in wedded bliss. Me of course, I would be going by Courtney Timberlake by now.

What happened to good 'ol fashioned courting? Where did the days of dating someone and getting to know them go? Now we're expected to know right off the bat if we want to devote the rest of our lives to some stranger we may meet at the grocery store or the gym.

And furthermore, when has it ever happened in the history of time that two people got together and were so perfect for another that nothing had to change? He didn't have to drop his disgusting habit of leaving his socks everywhere and she didn't have t learn to cut back on the nagging and let him be. We aren't all perfect. And to make a relationship actually work, there is always a little give and take from both sides. Its next to impossible to meet somebody and not find one single flaw in them.

Whats up with all this pressure we put on ourselves, especially when it comes to marriage?

My favorite things

Okay I'm not Oprah, nor is my bank account anywhere NEAR to where hers is. OH and unfortunately you will NOT receive any gifts by me sharing this list with you. But here is a list of a few of my favorite things at the moment. Some I have, some I just pine for.

The Kindle. Because I love to read, and I care about the environment. So I save trees, and have any book that I would like to read literally at my fingertips. Super cool.

The HTC Evo. This phone is the closest to a iPhone that I can currently get (I'm so stuck with Sprint, its ridiculous!). But the coolest feature for me...it has a kick stand so you can set it up to watch TV or movies. Yes I am THAT lazy that I can't hold my little phone to watch something.

 The Apple iPad. Frankly cause the doctor I work for has one and it looks so cool.

Christian Louboutins. Because they are sexy as hell, and what kinda person can't appreciate a sexy woman?

A Boston Terrier. Really cause just look at the face. Too cute!!!!

A LG washer and dryer. Because seriously, I would do my laundry more often and with a smile on my face if I had these. Heck I would do the neighbors laundry too, for a small fee of course!






So yeah, these are just a few of my favorite things at the moment. Wishful thinking huh?

Very random thoughts

After seeing an old photo posted of me on FB the other day, I am very thankful that I discovered black mascara. Now I am wondering how some people ever leave the house without it?

As much as I am accustomed to change in my life, the thought of having to replace my Blackberry the other day freaked my freak. Thank the heavens above that the dude at the store was able to fix that stupid little track ball, and did it all for free. And I only had to flash him my boob a smile.

Why is it that at the END of the summer, you know when its time to tuck the two piece away, that I finally get to a place where I am content with the way my body looks?

This growing up stuff is hard yo. Mapping out a budget, going to bed at a decent time...I just don't wanna do it!

I am SO thankful I get to wear scrubs to work. They are SO super comfy, I almost feel like I'm wearing jammies to work.

I want shoes. Lots and lots 'o shoes. And purses. I want a huge closet full of shoes and bags. That is my dream.

I am itching to take a vacation. An adventure. Go somewhere I haven't gone. Do somethings I haven't done. If only my bank account would allow me to do so.

I really need to get my new glasses so I can stop being the old lady doing 40 mph on 275 at night because she can't see. Yeah not really safe.

Dance like no ones watching

I had the best date night Saturday with these two guys!

Its funny how, for someone who is always self reflecting, I can learn life's lessons from a 4 year old.

We went and saw Despicable Me Saturday night. Cute movie, it was funny and those little minions were adorable! The boys laughed, I got a little teary eyed. It was a good time.

But it was at the end of the movie when the credits were rolling and the music was playing that my sweet little 4 year old boy reminded me on of the best life lessons. Eddie is usually a shy boy, of course unless he knows you. Then he's willing to do whatever act you ask him to perform. But in the company of strangers, he gets too embarrassed. Well not Saturday. My boy was loving the music so much, that he got out in the aisle and started shaking his booty.

Me embarrassed you ask? Of course not. Because my boy was out there dancing like no one was watching. Even though EVERYONE was watching, thinking he was the cutest thing ever. Yep that's my boy.

Working momma

I've been on maternity leave. For four years. Time to get back to work.

I returned back to work last week after taking a 4 year break to you know kick back, relax, OH and raise my children.

To be honest, it hasn't been as bad as I anticipated. Don't get me wrong, the leaving the kids part was HARD, but I have kinda enjoyed getting out of the house and being around adults. Its been great to see the boys reactions when I get home from the office. They are so excited to see me and they give me the biggest hugs. Its great.

The hardest adjustment is getting back into the work place and dealing with the "office drama" all over again. Really I thought I left this stuff behind when I graduated high school. I guess I am sadly mistaken. So because I choose not to be a part of it all, my days seem to be running pretty long. But as long as I have a job and am working towards a paycheck, I am not going to complain.

So back off to work I go today. It feels funny to actually be excited over a Friday again. Looking forward to spending some time with my boys this weekend. I miss them SO much!!!

Is it really what it is?

It is what it is.

What the hell is up with this saying?

Yes I realize there are SOME situations that we can't control, like natural disasters or taxes. But whats up with people getting into situations in their lives and throwing their hands up and saying "Well, it is what it is!"

I'm sorry, but FUCK no. Really I need to use the strong language. It is what it is, sounds so much like giving up to me. Like your giving in. Oh well you know...it is what it is. No life's situations are what me make them. It is what you make it.

Yes you get put into bad situations. Yes there are awful things that happen to ALL of us. But it truly is what YOU make of it. One bad situation can turn into several great ones. Its all in the way you handle it. Its all in what you learn from it. 

So I'm sorry if this is the motto that you live by. But here's a better one...It is what you make it. So make the best out of it.

My Birthday!

Okay so seriously my birthday is coming soon. Friday. August 6th, to be exact. I don't wanna boast, but its kinda a big deal. Really, the day that I was born, it should be a national freaking holiday. lol.

So I know that there probably a few of you that have waited till the last minute to get me a gift. And yes I know that I already made a list...but seriously if anyone actually grants any of those wishes, they deserve the freakin noble peace prize! OK so since it makes me completely uncomfortable to tell people what to give me for my b-day, here is a list of some of the things I am wanting as of the moment.

~The book The Lucky One from Nicholas Sparks. Because I feel the need to read a book and cry my brains out.

~A Kindle. You know to read my books on. lol. Okay this one is a little pricier of a gift. But hey you asked! lol.

~Giada de Laurentiis cook books. Because I love to cook. And now that I'm dating an Italian hottie, I feel the need to cook even more. Plus, I have a little girl crush on her. Now I've said too much...

~A really cute, girly, fun apron. You know with all the cooking I'll be doing, I need an apron.

~A shopping spree. I need new clothes. Or an eating spree, so I can fit back into all my old clothes.

~Burts Bees chap stick. Cause really, I could never have enough of that!

~Gift certificates to Ikea, TJ Maxx, or any other home decor kinda place. I have a new apartment to furnish here soon and have LOTS of ideas!

Really, I'm just a simple girl. I appreciate just a card, phone call, just to be a thought on your brain. I can't wait to celebrate my birthday this year. I can't wait to spend the evening with people that I love, and just laugh and have fun and let loose. Its gonna be a great birthday this year!

Why I love Jason

Ah, Jason Hoppy. We all know him as Bethenny Frankels main man and baby daddy of her sweet little baby Bryn. But he is so much more to us. I have developed a innocent little crush on this guy. So here's my reasons why.

He is so secure in his manhood, that he cries on camera. If you were able to watch that man cry at his wedding, and over his brand new baby girl, and not lose it yourself you need to get checked out. Rarely do we ever see a man that is willing to let his emotions get the best of him, let alone when a camera is following his every move and broadcasting that to millions worldwide. That takes balls dude.

He embraced fatherhood with a smile. Did you see the episode when Bethenny went into labor? She went into full planning mode, and all he wanted to do was call his family and friends to let them know he was going to be a daddy soon. "I don't know what to wear to meet my son or daughter!" he said while trying to get dressed for the hospital. Everyone say it with me...AWWWW!

He's confident, not cocky. Did y'all see him walking the beach with his washboard abs? But he wasn't walking around acting like the greatest thing in the world. He was just enjoying the beach, happy to be there with his new, pregnant wife. Confidence is sexy.

He handles Bethenny's craziness, all with a smile and a joke. Bethenny is just like the rest of us girls. She's cool, she's confident, but at sometimes...yes she loses her shit. And Jason is always there to pull her together and make her laugh. Tell me you caught that moment at the beach in St. Barts when Bethenny started freaking out and crying because the baby was coming soon. And what did Jason say to her "Baby, we will get through this together, you don't have to do it all alone anymore."

He fakes it till he makes it. Bethenny is in the lime light. Its how she's gotten to where she is now. Reality show star, NY Times best seller, celebrity chef. Girl is out there working it. And he's not really comfortable in the spotlight. But he does it, and why? All for her. To be there and support her. Not matter how uncomfortable it makes him.

and most of all...

He has a cute smile. And I only notice this, because a smile is usually plastered on his face everytime you see him. He's got a great wife, a beautful baby girl, and life is good. And he knows it, hence the constant smile. Thats the BEST trait in anyone.