Wednesday, July 8, 2009


I thought I had it all under control. I thought that I was doing a pretty good job juggling it all. I thought "Hey I'm doing this, I got this."

So why do I seem to have a panic attack everyday? When I take those breaks to try and line up whats next, what I need to do for the day, or how to prepare for next week I seem to break down. I can't breath. The room starts spinning. Sometimes I feel my heart beating so fast, I think it may pound outta my chest.

Rich's surgery is coming up very soon. And of course we have the hospital calling us already wanting to talk about how we are going to pay for it all. Really? Thanks a lot health insurance, really helping us out with this one. Its just all so much. Rich thinks he's gonna be up and going like days after but I know he's not going to be feeling good. How am I to study for my final that I have that week after his surgery?

People offer to help, but they don't really ever seem to have the time. And its not really their faults you know? I can't expect people to put their lives on hold to help me take care of mine. And nannies and babysitters really want to get paid for watching your kids.

Its just all seeming to be too much right now. I'm in a dark hole today. Things really aren't that bad, they just don't seem to be looking good today. I know deep down that these feelings are because I haven't been sleeping good and I am feeling physically awful all over.

Sorry nothing bright and cheery today. Like REM said: Everybody hurts, sometimes everybody cries. Today is my sometime.

1 comment:

Heather said...

You can do it! One day at a time. :) By the way, tag - you're it. (Check out my last post)