Yeah I'm good

Alright. I am a goody two shoes. I never break the rules. I stay within 5 miles of the speed limit. I am scared of police officers. I like to follow the rules.

So what?

Some would argue that I haven't really lived a life because I haven't done anything "fun". Oh right like getting completley trashed and making stupid decisions, some that last you a life time. Or having a 5 mile long driving record and paying lots of moola in traffic violations.

I have had good times in my life. And I am proud of where I am today. I think its cool that I can say I have never had a speeding ticket. Or that I have never made a decision that I really regreted because I was really drunk. And I am really proud of the fact that I have a huge amount of respect for things today because of what I have learned in the past.

So I am good with continue to be a good girl. Trust me I find ways to have good, clean, fun.

Should being single imply rules?

We've all heard them before. The Rules. And the always seem to be most prevalent when one is single. You know the silly rules that either you make up or are already made up for you.

*You should stay single for as long as the relationship happened
*Only dating a certain age group, body type, hair color, etc.
*It's OK to date but just don't get serious with anybody

You get the gist. So my question for today...Whats with all the rules? Why do we stipulate ourselves when it comes to relationships?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Love comes to you when you're ready for it. When you have truly found yourself and are comfortable with what you have to give, that's when the Guy above sends "The One" into your life. So why do we muck it up with all these rules? I think the one rule we should stick to is to know yourself. Because its only when you know and fully love yourself, that others can do the same.

Pimpin myself

Today should be fun. I have resorted to pimpin myself out. Don't worry its nothing illegal.

Today I am off to visit several different doc offices and urgent cares to see who's hiring and who will hire me. Its what me and some of my friends refer to as pimpin yourself out. You become your own pimp. You literally walk into an office and plead your case as to why they should want to hire you.

UH...

Because I'm smart
I'm funny
I'm a hard worker
I love my job
I'm a team player
I am very well organized
I can take constructive criticism and strive to work on my weaknesses
I have a great personality and it takes a lot to get me down
I love to help people

These are the statements that I am getting SO sick of saying over and over again! Don't get me wrong, they are SO true about me, but I am so sick of talking about myself. I happen to think the proof is right there on my resume. Top of my class, perfect attendance, 5+ years of retail management. I think I know how to deal with people by now.

I am just extremely frustrated right now with job searching. Its almost next to impossible to get a job right now, and its at a time when I need one the most. Lord, I am putting all of my trust in you as I always do, but please get me a job! Really, because I am pretty much becoming a ho for medicine. Wait that doesn't sound right...

Well I am off. But I promise to only dress professional on my pimpin expedition. No fur coats and hats with feathers in it for me today. lol

Babies babies

Babies, babies all around...

So there has been somewhat of a mini baby boom going on around me lately. A couple of my good friends and some family members are all being blessed with a new bundle of joy this summer. That just means we ALL know what you guys were doing this past winter...lol.

Of course I am always super happy when a baby comes along, as I feel a baby is always a blessing. One of my closest friends in particular I am super happy for. She has suffered through a lot of heartache and difficulty to get where she is today. Now she is just weeks from having her second child and everything is looking good. I praise the lord in my daily prayers for that.

A little part of me is super jealous. I LOVE newborn babies. Its my favorite stage. Really don't get me wrong, I love every stage of my kids life. But there is nothing like having that newborn baby around. Being COMPLETELY exhausted from labor and delivery but not even noticing. The little grunting noise. Cuddling up with that sweet babe while they nurse. BUT...I will just relish in all of my friends joy at the moment. lol. I am so happy for all of you receiving your little miracles. Whether your expanding your family, or just starting out, you are in for the greatest ride in your life. Hold on tight, its a bumpy one, but its great. Congrats!

Beached whale

Why am I SO terrified of this?

So there is a little boat, hot tub situation going on for me this coming weekend and I am TERRIFIED! I do have to say that I am very proud of my body. I have lost a lot of weight, and I have been toning spots on my body that I never even knew existed! But...

OK so really its just one area and no matter how hard  have tried, I can't do anything about it. Its my stomach. And its nothing to do with the muscles, that are perfectly toned, it has to do with the loose skin and stretchmarks that I have picked up over the years. There's no hiding that in a two piece.

So this is what I hate about myself. Its not the loose skin that I hate-because every time I see it I'm reminded of the two beautiful boys I have. Its that I really can't come to peace with it. I am a confident woman. But this is just messing with my mind. It kills my confidence.

So this week, I am off to hopefully find a decent looking one piece. Or I can just stay in this weekend. Hum.

Found love

I found "love" again. This time, it was on my leg. Really.

The hole was in my pants when I bought them. And no they aren't second hand...purchased them brand new. Its apparently the style now. All the cool kids are doing it.

Okay so remember my post Washington trip blog about how you don't need to search for love, because it will find you? It was there in Washington at Tumwater Falls that I literally found the pool of love. And its when I started to come to peace with putting my failed marriage behind me and moving on to what life had in store for me. At that time, I didn't know what the good Lord had planned for me, but I was putting my trust into him. He's never let me down before.

Long story short, I started dating shortly after my trip. I went into dating with no expectations. I wasn't looking for "Mr. Right". I was just wanting to get out there and see what my options were. I chatted it up with a few guys, was asked if I could be spanked by one freak, and went on a few dates. I wasn't out there actively looking for The One. Then I went on this date...

Now I am not sitting here ready to announce to the whole world that I am in love. I don't know what I am in, its still a very new relationship. But I do know that I have met an amazing man. He respects me, he thinks I am smart and funny, and we always have a great time together. Where I was more trying to go with this post was the fact that you really don't need to look for love. It will find you, when you are ready for it. When you open your heart completely to allow the good, and sometimes the bad in, you open yourself up to possibilities.

So needless to say, I really wasn't looking for what I have now. It found me. And I am the happiest I have been in a long time. And now "love" continues to find me on a daily basis. In pools of water, in clouds above, and on my pants. haha

Watch what you say

So the storm has started. Its kinda my fault, I should have been wiser about the steps that I took. OK so here's the thing. F-ing Facebook.

OK so as you followers probably know, I have changed my relationship status on facebook. I have been hush hush because of several reasons. 1. My divorce isn't final yet. Everything is done, but the whole legal process takes some time. 2. This new relationship is not something I expected, or even sought out. It just really happened. BUT I am extremely happy. Hence me wanting to share my happiness with those in my life.

I changed my status without thinking and I changed it before I was able to delete some people who its really not their business to know. And now there are some awful comments floating around about me. And they are being said by people who don't really know a thing about whats going on between my ex husband and I. And that is OK really, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. What has really upset me is the comments and questioning of my parenting skills. You can call me all the names in the world that you want to, but when you open your mouth and insinuate that I am a bad mother and I don't care about MY children, you are very much crossing the line. My kids have been the NUMBER ONE priority in my life from day one. And that's exactly where they remain. And that's true for both my ex and I.

I understand that there is hurt and anger coming from everyone that has been involved in my life and my exes life. I know that people are gonna take sides and feel the need to protect or defend those that they love. But the end of our marriage was a mutual decision. Nobody is doing anybody wrong, or intentional hurting the other. Its just time for us to move one. Both of us. So there really is no need for name calling and lashing out. And really there is no need to put into question what kind of mother I am. I am a damn good mother, those boys are my life. And my dating life is MY dating life as of right now. My kids are not being affected in any way.

This will be the only blog post that I devote to this. I really hate to put this out here, and I know that now I am making it every ones business, but I am more trying to stat a fact. Watch what you say and especially how you say it. Think before you speak. You may be angry but words can cut very deeply. And really when it comes to two peoples relationship, you yourself have NO idea whats going on within the relationship unless your the one in it.

Just one of em days

I'm going crazy. No really I am. Its just one of those days today. Where everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. Murphy's law right? I woke up with an upset stomach, Eddie peed himself last night, I forgot to move the towels over, Luke has some weird rash on his butt, breakfast needs to be made, had to go grocery shopping with two screaming, fighting kids. I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I'm retaining water so I feel disgusting.

Yes I have bad days. Sometimes one after another. I am usually a happy go lucky kinda person, but I DO have bad days, just like everyone else. I may not have a job, but I am a stay at home mom like 24/7 who is trying to FIND a f-ing job. Do you know how hard it is to even get a moment to take a pee when you have two crazy kids who tear up the house the moment you blink? Searching online for jobs can take hours, and don't even get me started on trying to pick up the phone and make some calls with two screaming kids in the background.

I am done with today. I may even be done with tomorrow. Hell, I think I am just gonna give up until this coming weekend is over. I have my issues too people. I have my own things I am dealing with. So due to some technical difficulties, your regular scheduled Courtney may not return until Monday June 21st. Thank you for your patience.

What woman love about men

There are a ton of other things I should be doing right now besides writing. Fixing my resume, cleaning my bathroom, or even showering as I just got back from the gym. Yeah gross I know. But I haven't written in a week. I took a break. I needed it. That's all I'm gonna say. But I was reading some articles today and came across this one titled What men love about women. And I got to thinking...

Now this isn't at all scientifical (is that even a word?), being that I am pretty much the only woman contributing to this blog, but I thought I would share a few things that THIS woman loves about men.

When you help balance us out.
I am a pretty take control kinda gal. I am a mom so I am always having to make decisions and choices for my kids. I am constantly having to take the helm in my professional life and personal. So I like it when you help balance me out and you take control every once in awhile. Chose the restaurant, decide what we are gonna do, make the first move. Its really sexy to see a man in a mans role, and it take the pressure off of me.

When you make us laugh.
I had a bad day. The kids both were sick, I got rejected for another job, I am PMSing, and I have a breakout going on on my forehead that is starting to resemble a map of a small village. We love it when you can kick us out of that bad mood and make us forget whatever put us in that pissy mood to begin with. Extra points if you can make us laugh till our sides hurt, or we feel like we are gonna pee our pants.

When you pay attention to us.
Even the most confident of girls can feel a little insecure from time to time. We can't all be on our A game 100% of the time, and its when we are feeling down and low about ourselves that Ms. Hotness walks in and grabs the attention of everyone in the room. Except yours. You are still enthralled in my conversation about some dumb book I finally finished reading or how I remember to correctly spell medical terminology. Now WE feel like the hottest girl in the room, no matter what Ms. Hottie looks like.

When you think we are smart.
I'm very proud of my educated brain. I worked hard to get where I am, and I sacrificed a lot. Its part of me. So I love it when my smartness turns a guy on. Plus it shows that you are more quality of a man for wanting Ms. Smarty Pants instead of Ms. Hottie who probably can't even spell her own name.

?????????

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katharine Hepburn


In the wise words of Katie Hepburn. A woman with hootzpah. Gumption.
 
Ah the eternal question. Why can't we just all get along? Why can't men understand us women?
 
Maybe its a question that is not meant to awnser. Perhaps life wouldn't be near as fun if we all understood eachother and lived happily together. I mean where would the fun be, if while dating, you never ran into a moment where you butt heads or misunderstood eachother? Maybe in some silly strange way, its the universe forcing us to accept everyone for what they are.
 
Maybe I have had too much tequila in my margarita to try and awnser this question tonight. LOL.

Front page news

Sandra Bullock appeared in public this weekend!!!

And here's the pictures to prove it!

Really people. No wonder the girl is afraid to leave her house. Cause y'all lose your damn minds when she does! Yes its quite scandalous what happened to her. Yes Jesse James is a complete douche bag for screwing up what he had with her. And yes her new baby boy is freaking adorable and how could anyone (I'm talkin to you Jesse) do that to such a precious little boy. But leave the girl alone!!! She has enough crap to deal with. Let her deal and get back to life.

Seriously. It happens everyday. Its sad and it sucks. But men cheat. They think with their penis. It tells them what to do and they listen. Its about the only time they follow someone barking orders at them. I am sure she is heartbroken. She loved that man with all of her heart and not only did he make her feel like a fool by cheating on her, but now she has to share it all with the rest of the world cause we won't leave her be.

Okay I'm done.

Summer break

I don't have school aged kids. So my babies are always on break from school at the moment.

I think my brain is on summer vacation. I can't think about anything. Besides medical jargon. As I sit here with my hands on the keyboard fulling willing to write some whitty little blog about my boys or how silly relationships are, I am stuck. I can't think of anything.

I think my brain cells are like the teachers and they are throwing little parties in my grey matter that its summer break and they don't have to work. HAHA ok I got a little whitty there with my medical jargon. Hows that for you?

OK so today, not so creative. Promise to return tomorrow with something better.

Guilt

I'm a mom. I feel it all the time. Guilt. It eats at me. And over the silliest things sometimes.

Yesterday was awful. Yet again my allergies have my head completely plugged up. The irony being that I can't breathe out of my nose, but it was running constantly. I couldn't even get up and walk to the kitchen because the pressure was awful. So I laid on the couch. I laid on the couch all day long and only got up when absolutely necessary.

Which meant that the boys played alone all day long. They got toys out, played blocks, built legos, watched movies or cartoons. But without the company of mommy. And it made me feel even more miserable. Because I felt guilty that I was resting and trying to feel better. Yes I felt guilty that I wasn't feeling good and couldn't build legos with them.

Its always there. I have gotten better about getting away and having alone time. The first few times, even the thought of alone time made me feel guilty. But I got more used to taking my alone time. Now I feel guilty when I have my alone time and I enjoy it. The guilt just never ends.

It never ends because I am a mother. And because I am a mother, I feel the need to devote my whole life to these little guys. I am getting better, and I have realized that to be a good mother to these guys I have to take care of myself. Sometimes that means resting when I am sick, or getting out by myself when I feel I need a break. And I know that the guilt is a good thing. Because it means my little guys are always on my mind and in my heart.