Blessed

As I was driving home from work today, incredibly annoyed that I didn't have any plans for New Years Eve and wanting desperately to take a nap, I realized how thankful I should be for all the things I have in my life.

Its easy, incredibly easy to take for granted the many blessings you do have in your life. We can get so caught up in thinking about the things that we want, an working to get the things that we find out in the end, we never really needed. Expensive electronics, top of the line products, fancy cars.

I pass a homeless lady almost every single day on my way home from work. And I never leave the office at the same time of day. Today I was lucky enough to be able to leave a few hours earlier than I normally do. And as I came up to the corner of WH Taft and 50 there she was, where she usually stands holding her sign. "Lost everything, any penny helps. God Bless You."

In the midst of my thoughts, silly thoughts of "damn my head hurts", "Gosh I'm so tired" and, "Why can't I have a pretty, shiny, black Beamer like my doctor drives?" I started to think clearly. Thank God that I have a job that allows me to support me and my boys. I can pay my bills with ease. Buying meals is never a worry for me. If I wanna go somewhere, I can get in my car and drive there.

Life is a struggle, it is for everyone. We all have our sets of problems. But I am so incredibly blessed with the things that I DO have, I can't see stressing about the things that I don't. Because some people don't have the basic necessities like, food, water, or a home. Life is great and I am so blessed.

Resolutions

First let me start by saying WOW Christmas is already over. We had an amazing Christmas this year. I actually didn't feel the stress of running around and doing this and that. I got to bake the ham and the boys and I just hung out and enjoyed our time together.

So yes now Christmas is over. Moving forward as I always struggle to do, I am looking forward to New Years. 2011 already really? So as most people do, I start to think about my resolutions that I will make this year. Lose weight? Nope don't want to become invisible. Stay in better touch with loved ones? Already have unlimited texting. haha. I thought I would make some different resolutions this year. Almost a list of goals that I hope to achieve this year.

1. Running a marathon. Well a half of one but still. Because I just can't torture myself enough with just regular workouts and such I feel the need to kill myself by training. I hate to run. But I love to prove people wrong, even if its myself at times. So I'm gonna do it, and be so proud of myself. And brag that I ran a marathon. For a long time. haha.

2. Go for a ride in a little two seater prop plane. Because life is just not worth living until you face a near death experience. Lol. I love to fly, I get a rush even when I take a commercial flight. I want to get my license, but I figured I needed to make my goals reachable and that a one hour ride may be a little more affordable.

3. Finally learn to play the guitar. Because chicks who play the guitar are HOT! I kid I kid. Because I have ALWAYS wanted to and am at a point in my life where I have a little bit of free time. So why not?

4. Take a trip with my boys. I've got friends and family all over the states and its time we get out and see them. Whether we go near or far, that has yet to be determined by the bank account. But we will go and I can't wait to see the boys enjoy their first trip , at least one that they will semi-remember.

5. Fall in love. For real. haha. I know this one is circumstantial. But I want to make it a possibility. I've kinda put all of that on the back burner these past few months, but perhaps its time to change that. I know its gonna be hard since I'm a single mom, training for a marathon, working 40+ hours a week and I already have my life filled with family and friends, but nothing worth while comes easy So I guess I should rephrase it and say I want to make myself open to love.

Believe

As easy of a concept it seems to us, we often forget to believe. I always forget to believe and I have it freakin tattooed on my wrist, literally.

One of my biggest things in life is that we always have to believe. Believe in a higher power, that things will always get better, believe in love...whatever. Just that we need to believe in something.

So as we go through day to day life, and the stress of it gets to us all, we often forget to believe. And then it only makes it easier to fall into the negative and learn to hate life.

But today, I am choosing to believe that its gonna happen for me. I will someday find love, learn how to balance everything, finally finish school, and find 100% happiness within myself. So today I am choosing to believe.

Why I want to marry Justin Timeberlake

Oh where do I begin?? Justin, how I love you...let me count the ways!

First and foremost, I love how talented he is musically. I was thinking to myself this morning just how much music I love that he has either done, produced, featured in, wrote, collaborated or whatever. I love music, can't get through a day without it and I think he is so talented.

Number 2. He is freakin hilarious!! He has a great sense of humor and I love to laugh. What a great combination.

He can dance. And you know what they say, the way a person moves on the dance floor is how the do...well you know.

His smile. He has the CUTEST smile ever. There's such a sweet, innocent, boyish charm to that smile.

He's southern, so he knows how to treat a girl. At least this is what I tell myself.

Aye me, someday I will be Mrs. Timberlake. Someday...

OH BTW-the move went great! I am in my place now and living on my own. Its taking some getting used to but I will manage!

Moving day is near!

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!!!

I am nervous, excited, scared.

To be honest, I have never lived on my own. Ever! I went straight from living with my parents to living with my now soon to be ex husbands house. I've never had the opportunity to run around naked (well alone at least), have TOTAL control over the remote, or been fully financial responsible for rent and all the other bills.

I can not wait to take on this new journey.

For once, I can paint my toenails in the living room and not have to worry about anyone else. I can have pink towels and a purple duvet cover. The boys and I can blast the music and dance around and be goofy. I can do things my way, and just the way I want it. Yes I may be "alone" or as I like to say as alone as a single mom can get. Yes I may be broke by the time bills are paid. But I will be doing it my way. And that seems like a pretty awesome way to me!

Facebook is my daily entertainment

Its not a secret.

I wish I could keep my cool, be mysterious. But everyone knows it.

I am an avid Facebooker.

I don't think I am on of the obnoxious ones. You know one of those people that updates their status like every 5 minutes.And PLEASE tell me if I am one of those facebookers. Cause then I can delete you from my friends list. lol. 

I'm at work BOO.

or

Just took the kids to school, now running errands!

I usually put up one status and that stays for about a day. Unless there's a game on. Then I update with every shitty call or team victory.

But lately the really small things humor me. Like all the pages you can like on Facebook. I can seriously get lost for hours reading all the pages that are out there. You know ones like:

You say I'm dirty-minded, but how did you understand what I meant? ;)

I really shouldn't have said that...but you pissed me off.

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.

Me? Sarcastic? Never.

or my fav

Intelligent, classy, well-educated women who say FUCK a lot.

I'm a simple girl, simple things amuse me. I will no longer be ashamed to admit that I literally LOL when I read some of these things. Rest assured though that I only actually like the ones that are really funny. At least to me. But I just admitted to spending hours reading stupid things on the internet so I don't know how well you can trust my judgement.

Stupid s*#t I say

I am a well educated person. I like to educate myself on all things culture. And I usually think about the words I am going to say before I say the. Usually that is...

But sometimes the stupidest SHIT comes out of my mouth!!! Not dumb things a la Jessica Simpson but things that I just don't think about before I say them.

Take the other day for example. My dear sweet Luke was being a cranky 2 year old. He hadn't gotten a nap and I was keeping him up because it was too late to take a nap. So of course with every little thing he whines. "Hey Lucas do you want some candy (yes I DO result to desperate measures in desperate times)?". "NNNNNNNNNNOOOOO Mommy I don't want you!". So after several minutes of hearing him whine, I lost my cool and blurted out "Gosh do you have to act like such a little child?".

Or when I was watching that show Life on discovery with the boys. We were watching how the hyenas do sneak attacks on the lions at night because they out number the lions, and they steal the lions food. I mean we are watching it right there, its right in front of my face and I simply ask "Do hyenas eat meat?". Of course they do dumb ass, that's why they are risking their life and limbs right there on TV to steal a dead animal from a pride of lions.

Sometimes when I turn on a football game, and I have to ask "Who are they playing?" because its just not that obvious to me who the other team is, that's a classic.

But my all time favorite, and one that my family will never let me live down...I was cheering for basketball my freshman year. There really wasn't a crowd to be cheering for, I do believe our team was sucking butt, and I was literally exhausted. So our team goes up for a free throw. And us being the peppy cheerleaders that we were suppose to be, we needed to (as they say) show our spirit. And all I could think was "just get the f-ing ball in the hoop so we can get on with the game and go home" so right as the "crowd" went quiet, I shouted out "Get it in!". For EVERY ONE to hear.

So yes I say stupid shit, and I happen to say stupid shit a lot. You know a girl can only devote SO much time to being smart, funny, sexy, and well spoken. Every once in awhile, they real me comes out, and I have to say...its pretty comical.

The friendships I keep

So I should be packing. I move next weekend and I really need to get all my crap together. But as I often do, I am procrastinating so I veered my way over here and thought I would blog instead.

I got to thinking about the many friendships I keep and how odd my circle of friends is. Not that any of my friends are odd mind you, or maybe they are and that's why we get along so well. But I meant the situations of how I know them or what not that is odd.

Looking on Facebook (cause we all know that all 200 and something people on my friends list are the best of the best friends), you will see that I have several friends from all over the states. Colorado, Texas, Hawaii. Some of my friends are those that I made in high school. Some of my friends I have never even really met in person. 

But back to my "odd" friendships. I am one of the weird ones who oddly enough is able to stay friends with her exes. Its the truth. I still talk to my very first boyfriend from back in the day! But even weirder than that, I am still really good friends with one of my exes sisters. Even though she lives far away from me. And I am still kinda close with my ex husband.

Its kinda funny how we always tend to put all this thought and analyzing into our relationships, when somehow they all work out for the best in the end. Friends come and sometimes sadly they go. But those that matter the most to you in your life stay around and are always there for you. I wouldn't change any of my friendship, except maybe the location of a few, and I am so thankful that I have those that I can always count on.  

Just when you think you're having a bad day

God sees to always find a way to send you a little friendly reminder that it could always be worse for you.

I know that we all have our bad times. Losing a job, or a loved one. Or even just a series of unfortunate events like broken hearts, empty bank accounts, and unruly kids that just get you down in a funk. And just when you think that things couldn't get any more worse for you, you get your reminder.

I've been having a bad last few days. With my trip to the ER Saturday, things at work, and moving within a weeks time, I've been a little stressed. And when your stressed out things just don't seem to go your way. So to be totally honest, I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself.

But I had a patient today that totally changed my thinking. This patient of ours had a seemingly standard procedure scheduled. We were set to remove 2 teeth for him. But sadly enough, he had Alzheimer's and had the mindset of a 5 year old. The poor guy was terrified. After everything was said and done, I was talking to the man and his caretakers that were there with him. While explaining to his caretakers that he would need to be on a liquid diet for the next few days I suggested things like juices, broths and milkshakes. The mere mention of milkshakes caught his attention and brought a gleam to his eye.

"I can have milkshakes?" he asked me.

"Do you like milkshakes?" I asked him back.

"Uh-huh!"

So I told him that I liked milkshakes too and I wish that I could join him for one but I had to stay at work and he so innocently replied back to me "You're not going to get mad at me for having one are you?".

Of course I told him no and assured him that he deserved a big milkshake for everything he had to go through.

Its times like that when you are reminded just how fragile life is. My heart breaks for anyone that has had to deal with Alzheimer's in any way, shape, or form as it is the most difficult disease to live with. So I went on with my day reminded just how lucky I am to have what I do have. Yes sometimes bad things happen, but its never anything that I can't handle and I know that I can only be a better person in the end.

Random thoughts

Welcome folks to another edition of Random Thoughts by Courtney. So since the work week is BUSY and I have to move in a few weeks, my thoughts are kinda scattered and random lately. Buckle your seatbelts and hold on tight, we have some really random ones today.

~So I passed a house on my way to work this morning where the people who lived there must have raked leaves over the weekend because there was a huge pile of leaves in the front yard. I have to say that a REALLY huge part of me wanted to pull my car over and jump into the pile. So what if I am 28 years old? And it was dark out? And I didn't know the people who lived there?

~Really what do people think when they see me jamming out to music at 5:30 in the morning in my car? Do they think "Wow I wish I could be that happy of a person and find joy at being up so freaking early in the morning"? Or do they think "Listen crazy, its 5:30 in the morning, chillax!"? I'm pretty sure its the later.

~Is Lady Ga Ga really so weird like 100 percent of the time? Do you really think she walks around draped in meat while she's grocery shopping or picking out underwear?

~You know I usually don't mind being lost in a crowd. Even though I am a lovely Leo and I like the spotlight on me, I don't mind being a small fish in a big pond. But lately it feels like instead of being lost in the crowd, the crowd has almost swallowed me whole and I have become the ground that they trample on. Its an odd feeling and I don't know any other way to describe it.

~I've gone a little boy crazy lately. Blame it on my raging hormones. Blame it on me being single. Blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol...lol. But I can't help myself with all these cute boys I keep running into lately. Unfortunately most of them are married. Or taken. Or don't notice me. Go figure. Such is my luck.

~OH-I thought I was having a heart attack Saturday. I was scared out of my mind. I didn't want to go to the ER outta fear that they would tell me that I am not so intelligent and it was just gas or a pulled muscle. But the pains in my chest where just WAY too much so my ex-husband took me in. Turns out I had pleurisy which is basically an infection between your heart and lungs. So I am not dying, nor did I have a heart attack. But I am better now, and I can officially say I have never been more freaked in my life.

~BTW-I have never felt more alone in my whole entire life than I did with my little ER episode Saturday. Yes my ex and I are still on good grounds and no I am not trying to play pity party on Courtney. But since my mom and dad live like an hour away, I had no one else to call on in my hour of need. I felt really alone and it probably made me freak even more than what I needed to.

 ~With all the sad sack thoughts I have been having, it humors me that my eternal "half glass full" spirit in me immediately follows a sad dark thought with "but hey it could always be worse and you can only make it better.". I guess its kinda comforting to know that sad thoughts I have sometimes are just fleeting and that I will always find the brighter side of things.

~On the plus side, I finally tried Nutella and I am in LOVE!! The good thing, I get the taste and joy of chocolate and its semi ok for me to eat. At least its not loaded with like high fructose corn syrup and all.

Music is the soundtrack of my soul

Ok so I may not be THAT big of a music freak, but I do love music. I usually have music on no matter what I'm doing. We have it on at work, I can't drive without it, and me and the boys LOVE to put on music and dance around. So its always on for me.

But I got to thinking today about those certain songs that stick with us. Yeah there's always something new to listen to or some great new artist, but it truly is the "classics" that stay with us forever. So I thought I would share some of my favs with you.

And here they are in no particular order:

~Me and My Girlfriend by JayZ featuring Beyonce. I pretty much love anything by JayZ but this is my favorite. I never get sick of this one.

~She's Got a Way by Billy Joel. My first boyfriend danced with me to this song on our first date. That is a memory I will never forget.

~Kiss by Prince. Because no matter how old that song is, you can't help but sing along and dance to it.

~ I just called to say I Love You by Stevie Wonder. This song of course was very popular when I was very young but I used to sing it all the time. When I lived in Texas and was SO far away from my family, I used to call them and sing this song to them. I feel its important to just call someone to say you love them.

~Sunshine of my Life by Stevie Wonder. This song always makes me think of my boys because they are the sunshine of my life. I used to listen to this song ALL the time when I was pregnant with my first son Eddie. The lyrics are really sweet.

~Fly Me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra. Also done by my boyfriend Micheal Buble and also by The Laurie Berkner Band which unless your a parent of small children you may not know the later artist. When Luke was a baby he didn't really like listening to music at night like his big brother does. So I would rock him in the rocking chair and sing. And his favorite was Fly me to the Moon. He still loves to hear it now.

~Crazy in Love by Beyonce. Haha. This song was REALLY popular the summer that I turned 21. That was a GREAT summer and I still have the best memories from so long ago. And yes I still try to pop my booty like Beyonce does in the music video every time I hear it.

~Anything by the Beatles. My whole family is very much into music but I remember nights when my dad and I would just sit together and listen to music. Some nights it was Meryl Haggard, some nights it was Creedence Clear Water, but most nights it was the Beatles. I was SO fascinated with the fact that my dad was a teenager when they were first out and he would tell me stories about how he watched them LIVE on American Bandstand. Good times.

~Anything by Madonna. Because it reminds me of growing up with my sister and how much we were in love with her. I remember when my sister was in high school and drove her Saab. We would blast Madonna in her CD player and cruise around the streets of Grand Junction.

~Some Broadway things like the soundtrack of Chicago, Les Miserable, Oklahoma, and so many more. Because they remind me of my high school days when I had big dreams of going to a performance arts school and performing on Broadway some day. I still love the theatre to this day so yes sometimes my music to jam to is Broadway tunes.

Its funny how some lyrics to certain songs can really get to you. Some you hear and LOVE until the radio out plays them and then you never want to listen to again. But there are those that stick with you forever and you will never get tired of hearing them. I have many more songs that mean so much to me but I could go on forever with those.

The most AWESOME kids ever!

Ok you know that I love hate to brag about my boys. But I just have to for a minute. These two boy are the most amazing kids...EVER! Yes, oh my goodness they drive me nuts at least 5 times a day but they are SO awesome that I often forget those moments.

Eddie is totally rocking preschool. You should have heard my excitement the other day when I was looking over his school work and admiring his I's. He's coming home singing songs that they have learned and he's so proud of his artwork. But the cutest thing is the relationships he's starting to develop. For the longest time he was telling me about a girl in his class named Barry. I thought to myself Barry? That's an odd name but hey to each their own. I soon discovered that her name was Bailey and he was just pronouncing it wrong. My boys first crush, too cute! And when I am lucky and get to pick him up right after school,  everyone in his class has to make sure to say goodbye.

Lucas just seems to be getting bigger. Even though size wise he's kinda small...he's really starting to learn his ABC's and he can count to 10. And because his older brother is SO cool, he's really looking forward to going to school himself.

I love these guys. They really make my life what it is. I love being their mom. It is honestly the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my whole life, but that makes me it so much more rewarding. They make me laugh, the drive me insane, the cuddle up to me and they both throw a pretty mean football. I am so thankful for them.

He's just not that into you

Or is he?

Is he being nice, or is he laying the groundwork to potentially blow your socks off? Does he just want to get into your pants or does he really see that picket fence with 2.5 kids and a golden retriever with you?

Oh the questions. The pondering. The many situations that you play out in your head.

It sucks to be a girl, and to have emotion driving your every force. Because you can't just take it for what it is, you have to psycho analyze EVERYTHING. And the sad thing is you don't even realize your doing it. Its like diarrhea of the mind, it just comes out without warning.

When all we really want to know is do you like me? And do you like me for the goofy girl that I am? Because so many have fooled me in the past.

We can't help it. Its how we are wired.

So for now, I lay my mind to rest. Cause I'm tired of wondering IF a guy likes me or what I could do to make a guy like me more. My mindset will be more aimed as to what a freakin LOSER he is for not seeing how cool of a chick I am and his loss.

I'm just sayin.

Making the move

So the big moving day for me is on the 15th. I am SO super excited, a little bit scared, and SO ready to do this.

Why you ask?

Because I have been living with my soon to be ex husband since we separated. I know to the outside looking in how awkward, uncomfortable, and just plain 'ol weird this sounds. But I will give you the story, at least the short version.

I was a stay at home mom for 4 years. It was the best decision for our family at the time for me to stay home with the kids. And honestly, it was THE best decision I think we could have made, and I am SO thankful for all that time I got to spend with my children. But lets be honest...the pay was CRAP. Don't get me wrong, the ex hubs made the money, bills were taken care of blah blah...but I didn't bring any income in.

So I am starting all over again. Of course you all know that I am back to work (and yes I still LOVE it!) so now its time to get the show on the road.

I got my apartment and I move in a couple of weeks. As excited as I am, I am also kinda nervous. I have never actually lived on my own before. I went straight from my parents house, to my husbands house. So now its all on me. Which is cool, I am all about responsibility, but I'm a little freaked out.

So I am just focusing on all the exciting stuff of getting my own place. Like the fact that I can totally girlify the place and there is no one that can complain about it. I have a bathroom to myself so no more seats that get left up, and its my place. My home that I get to start with my boys. I am ready to take this on!

Why does dating suck?

Okay so of course you know that I read all these other blogs. Why? Because reading other peoples thoughts and opinions make me feel more normal that I should ever feel. Its comforting. My soul food.

OK. So I read this blog titled The 7 Most Frustrating Things About Dating and I got to thinking...this dude could only find 7 things? lol.

So maybe this is this dudes problem. That he's finding dating frustrating. You know instead of enjoying the experience, just having fun with it...homeboy is too stressed out. He goes as far as to say that it makes you feel bad about yourself. So you're gonna feel bad about yourself cause some loser can't see how great you are and decides to try and find someone better?

So I guess I am feeling normal because I don't see the stress in dating. Perhaps cause I haven't been at it for a long time, but still...why all the stress about it? Just crazy.

All my single ladies

Yes, I just ripped off a line from a Beyonce song.

So an interesting study was just published about The 5 Best (and Worst) Cities for Single Woman.

This study is based on the operational sex ratio which is the number of sexually available men per 100 sexually available woman (sexually available? I'm assuming that means...single people), multiplied by 100. A ratio of 100 means a balanced population, while numbers larger than 100 indicate a surplus of men. A ratio of 110, for example, means 11 men are available for every 10 women. A ratio of 90 would mean nine men are available for every 10 women.

Basically what that breaks down to is this, due to averages, the number of single available men to single available women.

So in the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States, this is how they rank. Here are the top 5 cities:

•Las Vegas: 11.6 sexually available men for every 10 sexually available ladies


•San Diego: 11.5 men for every 10 ladies

•Salt Lake City: 11.3 men for every 10 ladies

•Austin, Texas: 11.2 men for every 10 ladies

•Phoenix: 11.1 men for every 10 ladies
 
And here are the top 5 worst places:
 
•Birmingham, Alabama: 8.8 men for every 10 ladies


•Memphis, Tennessee: 8.8 for every 10 ladies

•New Orleans: 8.9 for every 10 ladies

•Richmond, Virginia.: 8.9 for every 10 ladies
 
And in a painful 3 way tie...
 
New York City, Philadelphia, and Washington, D.C.! Each of these cities has 9.2 sexually available men for every 10 sexually available women!

Cincinnati, the city that I call home right now, fell in the middle of the list. So I guess that's a 50/50 chance for me. Hmmmm...a move back to Austin is sounding appealing right now.

Believe

Stop the presses.

Really mark your calendar. You heard it here first folks.

I think I am starting to believe again. I had a brief moment in time when I was trying to push myself into believing that love was possible. That I may someday find "the love of my life" and that I was going to be happy, romantically, again. That was such a fleeting moment.

I got out and started dating again. I put myself out there, got to know some fellas. But, as it often does in life, things didn't work out and I was-dare I even say it?-alone again. I mean of course I am never really alone but you know what I mean.

So bitter me came out again. Perhaps she never really left. And I know you all are rolling your eyes...its to early, blah blah blah. But trust me, I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm making good decisions. I am not looking for my next new husband. I am not looking for anything serious. I'm not even looking really.

But I find myself starting to believe again, that maybe someday it will happen for me. I no longer hear sappy love songs and want to poke my eyes out. I can go back to watching romantic comedies and maybe still not believe in them, but not feel like I want to vomit. And I can start to see myself perhaps someday opening myself  to somebody in the hopes that I will find my happily ever after, prince charming, love story.

Hey we all have to have SOME type of jumping off point don't we?

Where is my time going?

Hella crazy. Things have been HELLA crazy lately. And when I stop to think about it, I really haven't been doing much.

Work is going really good. I am catching on quickly and I have already jumped into assisting with a few surgeries. I'm feeling great about where things are going professional for me and its been a long time since I have felt that way.

Eddie is doing really good with school. He sure gives his dad a lot of trouble with drop off, but I am sure that he'll get over it once he's a little more used to it. Its been amazing to see him come home and sing me songs that he's learned or when I check his back pack after school and see the pictures and drawings that he's made. He's talking about friends that he's making and how much fun he has. Its great.

Sadly enough, that's really all that's been going on. My "free" time has just been spent with friends trying to enjoy whats left of summer. Days at the lake, being able to enjoy a few drinks out on the patio at night. Things are going great. Just trying to enjoy life when I can.

So nothing too exciting to update y'all on. Just thought I would let y'all know that I'm still here. Well most days I am! haha

Look at my BIG boy!

We survived our first days together!!!!

Eddie had his first day of preschool on the day that I started my new job. The totally sucky thing? I wasn't able to take him to school. But I got to take him today so its all good. 

He is such a big boy! I am so proud of him. I was really worried about him taking directions and listening to his teacher cause lets be honest...he doesn't do a stitch of that at home. But so far he's gotten green check marks on his calendar which means that he is behaving just right at school. He's already singing me songs that they sing and today he was telling me all about cows. He is having a BLAST and I am so excited. I was afraid that he was going to hate it.

The new job is FANTASTIC! I love it! Yeah I almost fainted on my first day...haha funny story actually. So Tuesday was my first day. I started the day with HR doing all my new hire paperwork. And of course it just makes absolutely no sense to have HR in a completely separate building miles down the road from my office. So after a couple hours of paperwork, I then had to proceed to the other side of town to get my parking pass. Finally I could get my butt to work. So I park in the garage across the street from my office on the 7th floor...take the stairs down so I can cross the street in like 100 degree weather...only to get in on an elevator with 40 other people that took 20 mintues to get back up to the 7th floor. So I was a little hot and flustered at this moment. I finally actually got into the office and my office manager tosses me a gown and throws me in a room to shadow another assistant. Full mouth extraction which means EVERY single tooth in this poor mans mouth was being removed. OH and toss in like 4 other residents into this small room with us and I started sweating. The room started to spin so I excused myself out into the hall. It was awesome. I got made fun of the rest of the day. But at least I made everyone laugh and it was a good way to break the ice with everyone.

I love my new job so far. Everyone in the office is really nice, even the doctors and residents. The other assistants I work with are just as goofy as me, so I am sure we will be able to help each other through stressful days. I am going to learn SO much, I can not wait to see whats in store for me here!!!

So all in all, Eddie and I both survived our first days. Yeah we were both a little nervous but at the end of the day we realized there wasn't anything we couldn't handle!

Table for one

Lets all be honest here. Being single sucks sometimes. You don't have that guaranteed date Friday or Saturday night. You have no strong, burly man to take you to a scary movie. And a nice little cuddle before bed time is always sweet. But there are some plus sides to being single. And I am spending my single time finding them out. Like...

~Just how nice it is to have the queen sized bed to yourself. You can stretch out. You don't lose any sleep at night because your cold cause someone stole all the covers. You don't have to do the awkward rolling over, you can just roll cause there's no one there that you could take out. Very restful sleep.

~You can be totally goofy cause your not worried about having to be sexy for someone. I know I know...when your in love, your significant other is always attracted to you blah blah blah...But when your single, you can lounge around all day with no make-up, hair a mess, glasses on, and not have to worry about sexing yourself up for anyone. Its weird, but its nice.

~You can watch ALL the girly movies you want to without any excuses. You don't have to worry about what anyone else wants to watch. Unless of course your girlfriends are over, but lets face it, they are probably gonna wanna watch what you want to watch.

~Back to the bed thing. You can eat ice cream in bed. And not have to share it with anyone. You can have it all to yourself.

~If you want to go get a manicure, you can. If you want to spend a ridiculous amount of money of some sexy jeans or a hot dress, you can. Cause you don't have to share that bank account with anyone but yourself. Well if your a momma like me, as long as the kids are taken care of too...but you know what I mean.

~You can flirt flirt flirt without guilt. That's all I'm gonna say about this one.

~If you want to stay up all night reading, you can without bugging anyone else with the light being on. You have no one to complain that they can't sleep and blah blah.

~When you have complete free time (like I said of course y'all know I'm a momma so I'm talking about when the kids are with baby daddy...) you can do whatever the heck you wanna do! Usually I clean cause its the one time I can clean and keep it that way. But I can run out and meet some girlfriends, watch a movie, take a nap. I have no one else's schedule but mine to be concerned about.

~Without a man around, or a bank account to pay for someone else to do it, you learn how to do the things that you wouldn't do because the man does it for you. Like change your brakes, kill spiders in the bathroom, or take the garbage out yourself. Its kinda an awesome feeling to know that I don't need somewhere there to do that for me. Cause I can do it on my own.

So I hope no one takes this the wrong way. I can totally appreciate a relationship. But right now, I am totally rocking this selfish phase. I will never be able to be as selfish as someone without kids (nor would I want it any other way) but I have been able to learn to appreciate myself more and do things for myself. And its an AWESOME feeling.

I'm just looking for a textual relationship

We've all done it a time or two. Or a thousand times...You know what I'm talking about. You're chatting with a friend via text message about what they should get on their sandwich at Subway and the next thing you know you're asking them where they would like their meat stored and if they would like an extra squirt of mayo.

Sexting. You know you've all done it. With a friend, girl/boy friend, lover. Whomever. Hey don't judge. We are all guilty.

So is sexting the new foreplay? I read this article titled Sexting Is the New Foreplay and it got me thinking. How many of us out there are using sexting as a form of foreplay? I mean its incredibly hot. There is a level of secrecy. And its a great way to let your partner know just what you want to do to them later.

But how many of us are using sexting as a solution? As a means to itch a scratch? I mean it is a lot safer than going out and having a one night stand and its practically free (I mean besides your cell phone bill and who doesn't have unlimited texting nowadays?).

Well all I can say is, thank goodness for technology.

Nervous

For the first time in a LONG time, I am actually really nervous.

I have gone through a lot of changes in my life the past few months. Trying to and finally finding a job, going after a job I really really wanted and getting it, going through a divorce, getting back into the dating world...lots of big changes. But never once was I as nervous as I am now.

Now that I have achieved my goals and gotten to where I wanted to be, what next? I'm not really sure where my life is going now. And for the first time in a LONG time, I don't really have a plan for where I'm going. Nothing solid, no set goals. So I find myself really nervous.

I mean its not like I don't have ANY goals, of course my main goal is always to take care of my kids. Which is what I am doing with my new job now. But I am feeling like for the first time I am really able to focus on myself. Focus on doing the best that I can do at work, focus on my friendships and relationships, and just focus on myself and doing the things that I love to do and have always wanted to do.

So I guess that is my new goal. To make me the best me I can be. Sounds corny huh? Focus on learning how to balance work and my kids life. Focus on spending time and building friendships. Focus on what I really want and expect out of a relationship. Just focus on making my life worthwhile. Sounds like a great adventure to me!

Random life, random thoughts

Okay so nothing is life is random. I know. The Big Guy up there has a plan for me and I trust him that he will lead me through it. But the events in my life have been very random as of lately. So I thought I would share them with y'all.

I am currently reading 3 different 4 different books right now. The Lucky One by Nikolas Sparks makes me cry every time I read it. The Secret just because I was curious as to what all the hoopla was about. The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girls Sex and it just makes me...well yeah. And my medical book so I can brush up on everything. I hope that I don't get things confused and start spouting out sex advice when I should be spouting out medical advice.

My 4 year old sweet baby boy starts preschool next week. And I cried picking out his first day of school outfit over the weekend. I thought I would be SO ready to send him off to school and see him start to grow into the young man I know he'll be someday. But now I find myself not quite ready to give up the baby side of him. He's really starting to not need my so much anymore and it sucks.

My 2 year old love bug is pretty much potty trained finally. And a really sick part of me I guess finds it entertaining when he has to go number 2. He tells me to leave him alone, but I peek in on him anyways. He's a tiny little thing and sitting on the big toilet, he looks even smaller. Unlike my 4 year old who likes to get in and get out, Luke would rather sit on the pot and sing and talk and what not. Soon all he'll need is a magazine and some air freshener.

OH I forgot to share with y'all. Next week, I will become a University of Cincinnati employee!!! I interviewed and was offered a position with the Department of Oral Surgery. Yes I will be getting paid to do oral (and its all legal too!). lol. Better pay, actual benefits, free college for me AND the boys. I am so excited!

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I don't know if I'm quite ready for it. I have conflicting feelings about it. lol. I think it'll be fun to see people I haven't seen in a LONG time, but I don't know if I am really ready to admit that I have been out of high school for 10 years already.

My dog might be pregnant. Long story short, no I never got around to getting her spayed. But she hasn't been in heat for 2 years cause she's kinda an old lady now. Well the male dog that's been hanging around here lately changed all of that. I've been doing a good job of keeping the separated and watching them, but one glance away and yeah...So do they have home pregnancy tests for dogs?

Last but not least, I am so thankful for the friends and family I have. Without them, I may not survive my day to day life. They keep me sane, they keep me grounded. And I am so glad I have them around.

I'll take a cheeseburger and a side order of a respectable spouse...

So I was reading an article titled How to Shop for the Right Spouse. I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was a store that sold such merchandise! Is that like right next to Pottery Barn in the mall?

Seriously its these kinda articles that put the pressure on us these days. You can't shop for the right spouse, you can't buy "The perfect mate". If it were truly THAT easy, we would all be in wedded bliss. Me of course, I would be going by Courtney Timberlake by now.

What happened to good 'ol fashioned courting? Where did the days of dating someone and getting to know them go? Now we're expected to know right off the bat if we want to devote the rest of our lives to some stranger we may meet at the grocery store or the gym.

And furthermore, when has it ever happened in the history of time that two people got together and were so perfect for another that nothing had to change? He didn't have to drop his disgusting habit of leaving his socks everywhere and she didn't have t learn to cut back on the nagging and let him be. We aren't all perfect. And to make a relationship actually work, there is always a little give and take from both sides. Its next to impossible to meet somebody and not find one single flaw in them.

Whats up with all this pressure we put on ourselves, especially when it comes to marriage?

My favorite things

Okay I'm not Oprah, nor is my bank account anywhere NEAR to where hers is. OH and unfortunately you will NOT receive any gifts by me sharing this list with you. But here is a list of a few of my favorite things at the moment. Some I have, some I just pine for.

The Kindle. Because I love to read, and I care about the environment. So I save trees, and have any book that I would like to read literally at my fingertips. Super cool.

The HTC Evo. This phone is the closest to a iPhone that I can currently get (I'm so stuck with Sprint, its ridiculous!). But the coolest feature for me...it has a kick stand so you can set it up to watch TV or movies. Yes I am THAT lazy that I can't hold my little phone to watch something.

 The Apple iPad. Frankly cause the doctor I work for has one and it looks so cool.

Christian Louboutins. Because they are sexy as hell, and what kinda person can't appreciate a sexy woman?

A Boston Terrier. Really cause just look at the face. Too cute!!!!

A LG washer and dryer. Because seriously, I would do my laundry more often and with a smile on my face if I had these. Heck I would do the neighbors laundry too, for a small fee of course!






So yeah, these are just a few of my favorite things at the moment. Wishful thinking huh?

Very random thoughts

After seeing an old photo posted of me on FB the other day, I am very thankful that I discovered black mascara. Now I am wondering how some people ever leave the house without it?

As much as I am accustomed to change in my life, the thought of having to replace my Blackberry the other day freaked my freak. Thank the heavens above that the dude at the store was able to fix that stupid little track ball, and did it all for free. And I only had to flash him my boob a smile.

Why is it that at the END of the summer, you know when its time to tuck the two piece away, that I finally get to a place where I am content with the way my body looks?

This growing up stuff is hard yo. Mapping out a budget, going to bed at a decent time...I just don't wanna do it!

I am SO thankful I get to wear scrubs to work. They are SO super comfy, I almost feel like I'm wearing jammies to work.

I want shoes. Lots and lots 'o shoes. And purses. I want a huge closet full of shoes and bags. That is my dream.

I am itching to take a vacation. An adventure. Go somewhere I haven't gone. Do somethings I haven't done. If only my bank account would allow me to do so.

I really need to get my new glasses so I can stop being the old lady doing 40 mph on 275 at night because she can't see. Yeah not really safe.

Dance like no ones watching

I had the best date night Saturday with these two guys!

Its funny how, for someone who is always self reflecting, I can learn life's lessons from a 4 year old.

We went and saw Despicable Me Saturday night. Cute movie, it was funny and those little minions were adorable! The boys laughed, I got a little teary eyed. It was a good time.

But it was at the end of the movie when the credits were rolling and the music was playing that my sweet little 4 year old boy reminded me on of the best life lessons. Eddie is usually a shy boy, of course unless he knows you. Then he's willing to do whatever act you ask him to perform. But in the company of strangers, he gets too embarrassed. Well not Saturday. My boy was loving the music so much, that he got out in the aisle and started shaking his booty.

Me embarrassed you ask? Of course not. Because my boy was out there dancing like no one was watching. Even though EVERYONE was watching, thinking he was the cutest thing ever. Yep that's my boy.

Working momma

I've been on maternity leave. For four years. Time to get back to work.

I returned back to work last week after taking a 4 year break to you know kick back, relax, OH and raise my children.

To be honest, it hasn't been as bad as I anticipated. Don't get me wrong, the leaving the kids part was HARD, but I have kinda enjoyed getting out of the house and being around adults. Its been great to see the boys reactions when I get home from the office. They are so excited to see me and they give me the biggest hugs. Its great.

The hardest adjustment is getting back into the work place and dealing with the "office drama" all over again. Really I thought I left this stuff behind when I graduated high school. I guess I am sadly mistaken. So because I choose not to be a part of it all, my days seem to be running pretty long. But as long as I have a job and am working towards a paycheck, I am not going to complain.

So back off to work I go today. It feels funny to actually be excited over a Friday again. Looking forward to spending some time with my boys this weekend. I miss them SO much!!!

Is it really what it is?

It is what it is.

What the hell is up with this saying?

Yes I realize there are SOME situations that we can't control, like natural disasters or taxes. But whats up with people getting into situations in their lives and throwing their hands up and saying "Well, it is what it is!"

I'm sorry, but FUCK no. Really I need to use the strong language. It is what it is, sounds so much like giving up to me. Like your giving in. Oh well you know...it is what it is. No life's situations are what me make them. It is what you make it.

Yes you get put into bad situations. Yes there are awful things that happen to ALL of us. But it truly is what YOU make of it. One bad situation can turn into several great ones. Its all in the way you handle it. Its all in what you learn from it. 

So I'm sorry if this is the motto that you live by. But here's a better one...It is what you make it. So make the best out of it.

My Birthday!

Okay so seriously my birthday is coming soon. Friday. August 6th, to be exact. I don't wanna boast, but its kinda a big deal. Really, the day that I was born, it should be a national freaking holiday. lol.

So I know that there probably a few of you that have waited till the last minute to get me a gift. And yes I know that I already made a list...but seriously if anyone actually grants any of those wishes, they deserve the freakin noble peace prize! OK so since it makes me completely uncomfortable to tell people what to give me for my b-day, here is a list of some of the things I am wanting as of the moment.

~The book The Lucky One from Nicholas Sparks. Because I feel the need to read a book and cry my brains out.

~A Kindle. You know to read my books on. lol. Okay this one is a little pricier of a gift. But hey you asked! lol.

~Giada de Laurentiis cook books. Because I love to cook. And now that I'm dating an Italian hottie, I feel the need to cook even more. Plus, I have a little girl crush on her. Now I've said too much...

~A really cute, girly, fun apron. You know with all the cooking I'll be doing, I need an apron.

~A shopping spree. I need new clothes. Or an eating spree, so I can fit back into all my old clothes.

~Burts Bees chap stick. Cause really, I could never have enough of that!

~Gift certificates to Ikea, TJ Maxx, or any other home decor kinda place. I have a new apartment to furnish here soon and have LOTS of ideas!

Really, I'm just a simple girl. I appreciate just a card, phone call, just to be a thought on your brain. I can't wait to celebrate my birthday this year. I can't wait to spend the evening with people that I love, and just laugh and have fun and let loose. Its gonna be a great birthday this year!

Why I love Jason

Ah, Jason Hoppy. We all know him as Bethenny Frankels main man and baby daddy of her sweet little baby Bryn. But he is so much more to us. I have developed a innocent little crush on this guy. So here's my reasons why.

He is so secure in his manhood, that he cries on camera. If you were able to watch that man cry at his wedding, and over his brand new baby girl, and not lose it yourself you need to get checked out. Rarely do we ever see a man that is willing to let his emotions get the best of him, let alone when a camera is following his every move and broadcasting that to millions worldwide. That takes balls dude.

He embraced fatherhood with a smile. Did you see the episode when Bethenny went into labor? She went into full planning mode, and all he wanted to do was call his family and friends to let them know he was going to be a daddy soon. "I don't know what to wear to meet my son or daughter!" he said while trying to get dressed for the hospital. Everyone say it with me...AWWWW!

He's confident, not cocky. Did y'all see him walking the beach with his washboard abs? But he wasn't walking around acting like the greatest thing in the world. He was just enjoying the beach, happy to be there with his new, pregnant wife. Confidence is sexy.

He handles Bethenny's craziness, all with a smile and a joke. Bethenny is just like the rest of us girls. She's cool, she's confident, but at sometimes...yes she loses her shit. And Jason is always there to pull her together and make her laugh. Tell me you caught that moment at the beach in St. Barts when Bethenny started freaking out and crying because the baby was coming soon. And what did Jason say to her "Baby, we will get through this together, you don't have to do it all alone anymore."

He fakes it till he makes it. Bethenny is in the lime light. Its how she's gotten to where she is now. Reality show star, NY Times best seller, celebrity chef. Girl is out there working it. And he's not really comfortable in the spotlight. But he does it, and why? All for her. To be there and support her. Not matter how uncomfortable it makes him.

and most of all...

He has a cute smile. And I only notice this, because a smile is usually plastered on his face everytime you see him. He's got a great wife, a beautful baby girl, and life is good. And he knows it, hence the constant smile. Thats the BEST trait in anyone.

Back to contributing to society

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!

No freakin joke. I got the call today. The doctor himself called. YAY!

I wasn't feeling good about this interview. It lasted a whole 5 minutes. He told me what my responsibilities would be, asked if I could handle it, and then told me he had more interviews.

I left feeling baffled. I didn't ask about benefits, he didn't want to know my strengths and weaknesses. I didn't get to talk myself up. Maybe that's what saved me. Haha.

So anyways, he called me today and offered me the job. YAY! I can't stop saying YAY! I start Monday. I am so excited. I feel guilty already about having to leave my babies, but I also feel good in knowing that I am starting back to work and it will only get better from here.

So no longer am I a slacking, unemployed, over user of Facebook. I will be back to contributing to society and having money. YAY!

Love my booty!

Yeah, that's totally a pic of my booty. Not really. Remember I lie.

So I was reading articles like I usually do out of boredom and I came across this article, 4 Body Part That Make Us Self Conscious and it got me thinking.

There are parts on my body that I love, and there are parts that I hate. Its true, its true. I love my booty. I was blessed with a nice budunkadunk. Granted now in my later 20's I now have to do actual exercises to keep it looking good. I have great upper arms. I have always have defined arms but now thanks to weights and lifting my children they are even more defined. Overall my body is OK.

So why can't we be happy with what we have? We all know we can't have it all (except for those freak Victoria Secret models, I happen to believe that aren't really human), but in our endless need for perfection we still try. Diets, endless hours at the gym, even clothes that promise to flatten tummy's and lift butts. Its crazy what lengths we go to.

So I am stepping up on my soap box today to highlight the nice things. Yeah my legs may not be 5 feet long, my stomach may be lacking an entire 6 pack, and my breast are no longer as perky as they were in my high school days. But I have more to offer than my body, like a sense of humor and a kind heart. And that, to me at least, is pretty freakin awesome.

Screwed perception

Get mad. Get glad. Get even?

I'm sure we've all heard this saying before. But just how well does it apply?

Ok. I'm not a fighter. I hate confrontation. I avoid it at all costs. But sometimes its inevitable. You can't avoid it and for your own sanity's sake words need to be said. But is there a right way to fight? You know, doing the "adult" thing and talking it out?

I don't fight dirty. Yes granted I may lose my temper from time to time and a door may get slammed or a small item like a child's toy may be tossed. But I always try to keep my emotions in check, and watch my mouth, because words hurt. You can never unhear something that's been said. Yes you can always apologize until your blue in the face, until the cows come home, or until pigs are flying out of your butt (and really I would like to see that happen, it may make me forget what got me mad in the first place!). But, at least for a girl, you will never be able to forget what was said.

What happened to us being adults? Whats with the name calling and ridiculous accusations being made? Do we now live in a world where being angry with each other and never reaching an actual solution is whats considered the norm? Is it really now ok to call each other names and say things just to hurt each other?

Call me silly, but I was under the impression that you had confrontations to find an actual solution. You know we don't see eye to eye so lets see what we need to change to solve that.

So its time to take off the gloves. And lets make love not war. Yes, I am that cheesy.

Liar

Did you know that I am actually from Texas. Yeah, I also graduated for the University of Texas (hook 'em horns), and while attending school there, I was a cheerleader.

Okay non of that is true. I lived in Texas for 6 years and am an avid fan of UT.

See this all started when I was at the gym...

I was on the treadmill. I was working it, running, sweating my balls off (no really, their gone!). This guy running next me to me decided to ignore the ear buds in my ear and start up a conversation.

Him: "Are you from Texas?"

Me: "Yes." Lie.

Him: "Really that's cool, I'm from Tyler, you know near Dallas."

Me: "That's cool, I lived in Austin." Haha...see truth.

Him: "Did you go to school at UT?"

Me: "Yes." Lie.

Him: "And did you cheer there too?" (I'm assuming he only asked this because of my UT Cheerleading shirt I had on.

Me: "Yes." Lie.

Luckily the conversation stopped there before he asked me what I majored in and I blurted out "Physics"!

Nobody wants to hear that I am just a mom, my cheerleading days in Austin sounded a lot more interesting.

I think I need help. 12 program for liars, here I come!

A blank mind

My mind is blank today.

Really I can't think today.

I sat down to write today to try and motivate myself to get up and do something. And I can't think of ANYTHING.

I was going to write about sex. Something about if sex is still satisfying even if you don't "get there". But then I felt too dirty with what direction it was taking.

I then started to write about how I was a simple girl. But lets be honest, I am a complicated mess. I over analyze, under trust, and at times I am TOO honest.

So nothing. I am nothing. To be completely honest, I am in SUCH a bad mood. I am faced with another long boring weekend of nothing much to do and its making me cranky. Just having one of THOSE days. So I am going to disappear for the weekend, Shut myself in and sulk. Maybe Monday will be much better for me...Here's hoping.

Birthday wishes

So of course you all know that yesterday was my big guys birthday. He had a blast, he got his Nintendo DS that he's been asking for forever, and he got to run wild at Chuck E Cheeses.

But of course as it always does, his birthday has brought up the inevitable question. What does he want for his birthday?  He's 4, he wants toys and things that make loud noises that will drive his mother up the wall.

So now that his birthday has come and gone...means that my big day is just around the corner. And now I am faced with the question...what do you want for your birthday little girl? (Okay well maybe not the little girl part because to be honest that sounds a little creepy, but seriously don't you always kinda hear the little girl part in your head when someone asks you this questions?)

Hmm...really you want me to tell you what I want for my birthday???

~World peace. Okay totally not achievable but wouldn't it be nice?

~A job. Really yet again something totally up to me and my future employer.

~A solution to the water crisis in Africa.

~For my 2 year old to stop saying he hates everything. OH and for him to stop pooping in his pants too.

~For my 4 year old (yes my 4 year old now!) to stop growing, What a magical age he's at right now, I would love to keep him here forever.

~A real diamond tiara. Cause really what girl DOESN'T need one of these.

~For an end to the oil spill in the gulf. Really like a permanent end.

~For homelessness to be abolished.

~A new cell phone. Berry has been acting up too much that I can't put my faith in him anymore. And really I am ready to move on to bigger and better things.

~A pony. Because a little part of all of our girlhoods never die. And for once I would like to see this wish fulfilled.

~Nursing school paid for by someone else other than me. Loans are great, but they DO have to be paid back eventually.

~A good steak and a nice glass of red wine. A Shiraz. Yum.

~A better economy.

Well you asked so I answered. I don't ask for much...lol

Really for birthday celebrations, I just want good company, perhaps a fun place to dance, and maybe even a laugh or two.

1460 days

Today you turn 4 years old.

You have changed so much already just from the first day I saw you till now.

Now you say your ABC's.

Now you can count . To 20 sometimes.

Now you are eager to help me when you can.

You are really into electronics.

You love to play Wii.

You are the goofiest little dude I know.

You love to make people laugh.

And you love to dance.

You are an amazing little man.

You are so curious and you ask questions.

You love to sing songs and listen to music with me.

I am so happy that I was chosen to be your mom.

I love you SO much!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Can a girl get a break?

I am so run down right now, I think I may either have strep throat or I have forgotten how to swallow.

Seriously my tonsils are so swollen you would think I had ping pong balls in the back of my throat if you happened to look. Perhaps I should go to a doctor.

Leave it to my sweet, beautiful, loving children to run a MUCK today. Really bouncing off the walls. I swear they got into my red bull collection in the fridge while I was trying to catch a few more minutes of sleep on the couch. Already in the hour and a half that we've all been up, I have cleaned up dog puke, cleaned out red jello out of the carpet, broken up 5 fights, and punished Eds for slapping his brother. I am EXHAUSTED. I am tired and sore, and it hurts to even open my mouth.

Really can a girl get a break?

Shut the front door

I am a firm believer on saying what you need to say. I always feel that its better to share you mind than it is to let feelings fester to the point of not really knowing what you feel anymore. But in those times when your speaking your two cents, talking and sharing your feelings, do you sometimes say too much?

Is there times when we really should shut the f up?

We've all been there before. You've said your mind. But you just keep going.

"What I meant to say was..."

Shovel. Dig. Toss the dirt to the side.

"No, you took what I said the wrong way."

Man this hole is getting deep.

"What I'm just saying is..."

Hello? Hello? Can anybody hear me from down here?

I am very guilty of just continuing to ramble long after the point that I wanted to make was made. That's when things start getting confusing. So in my always going mind of self reflection, I am vowing to just say what I feel I need to say, and then shutting the f up. In a clear effort to only say what I need to say.

Him

He makes me insanely happy.

He always has something goofy to tell me like a joke or something funny that happened.

He assures me that I am always on his mind, and I fully believe him.

He makes me feel like the prettiest, smartest, funniest girl on the planet.

He talks to me and always tells me whats on his mind. There's no second guessing with him.

He has the most adorable face, even when he's pouting!

He loves his son, his family, and his friends. And he allows me to be a part of it all.

He sees a future with me and that doesn't scare him off. He actually embraces that.

We can always have a good time together no matter what we are doing.

Okay throwing up in your mouth a little bit? I'm incredibly lucky that I found someone like him. I'm so happy to see where this could lead me in the future.

Trust and sacrifice

When you truly love someone, you trust them with all your heart. And you also learn to sacrifice for them. You know you either learn how to go without, or push yourself out of your comfort zone for them.

But how much is too much?

Being in a relationship with someone is one of the most challenging thing we do as human beings. It ranks right up there with childbirth, receiving your education, and um world peace. We like to always try and convince ourselves that when you are with someone you are a team, and then we like to try and follow that up with saying "its all 50/50". But it never really is.

Unfortunately, especially in these tough times, we can't always be 50/50. There are gonna be times in a relationship when one person is going to have to bear more of the load. Sometimes its through an illness, sometimes its financial issues, and sometimes its something as simple as cleaning duties at home. This is where the sacrifice part comes in. Nobody likes to be 100 percent responsible all the time, and the task can becoming daunting no matter HOW much you love the person. But here's where the trust part comes in...You have to trust that this too shall pass, and that things will pick up and become better. And that sometime in the future, your gonna be the one down and out, and your partner will be there to hold you together.

Its is all about giving and taking and in some situations, there is gonna be one person taking a whole lot while the other is forced to give all they've got. But as long as it comes from a place of love on both sides, its SO worth it in the end.

Old dog new tricks?

Can you really teach an old dog new tricks?

Its no secret, the older we get the more set in our ways we become. Many attribute it to becoming old and cranky, but I believe that you just become more comfortable in you your skin and less afraid to be yourself. You've been through the trial and error portion of your life and you know what makes you happy and what sets you off. But do you become too set in your ways that your unable to be open to something new?

You live your life day to day and you get into a rhythm. You work, you play. You know how you like to spend your free time and you like your freedom. So what do you do when a wrench gets thrown into the mix?

Change is not always bad. Things may be good now, but there's always the possibility that it could get better. So listen dawg, practice some patience and learn some new tricks. Yes it may change your life, but it could be for the better.